Tag Archive | suffering

New Beginnings

What if today, if only for a moment, there was a total trust in life’s unfoldment?

Could you rest?

I cannot make any promises for you on life’s behalf.

Life knows better than we do.

Pain and loss often teach us more than laughter and joy.

Collect each experience, as best as you can, and place them in the basket of your soul.  The depth of these experiences will soon surpass your need for happiness.

For happiness is fleeting and leaves as quickly as it arrives.

Truth, the kind that holds our being together through the storms, can only find us when life is unexpected.

This is how we stretch and grow.

This is why endings sometimes hurt us.

All we have is this moment.

Best to leave the rest up to tomorrow.

 

 

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Beauty is Nigh

I have been climbing this mountain for a while now.  The path is uncertain and jagged rocks claw at my boots causing countless falls.

I am covered in dirt.

I am tired.

Yet, I keep going, keep pushing.  I am bound to break through to the light.

Hard work means success.

Hard work means success?

Why do I not see the progression?

Where is the top?  Is it buried in the clouds?  Will it never lend itself to me?

I have to keep going.

Think positive.  Be brave.  Keep moving towards the light.

My legs ache with exertion, my back caves into the pressure.  I am not sure how much further I can go.

In my tired confusion my eyes skim an upturned root a second too late.   I crash face first into the mud-covered path.  Pain sears through my skull as it connects to the ground beneath me.

I am jolted to a dead-stop.

Fear immediately washes over me.  No one has ever given me permission to quit.  All the heroes’ journeys are about motion.  Movement.  Doing.  Slaying. Fighting for your Life.

What about a journey that stops right in the middle?

Did I fail?

Am I a failure?

I give up completely.

The pain is too great to continue.

I have nothing more to give as this path has robbed me of my hope.

I flip myself over and sit squarely upon the very root that upended me.

My head tilts forwards as the tears begin to catch at my feet, mingling with the puddles and earth below me.

Out of the corner of a tear-stained eye, I notice movement. A cardinal flutters nearby.  The bright red punctures the landscape with truth.

Once my eyes affix to it, she gently floats away so my gaze aligns with the path behind us.

All I see is beauty.

All I am is beauty.

The light filters in through the towering pines that flank the pathway.  This light dapples and dances across the greenery before us.

As I soak in the majesty around me, I understand that the only fear I was running from was my own.  This fear masked a deep, guarded pain that I keep hidden by always moving.

I have to stop running.

It is time to be still.

The only thing running gets you is tired.

Beauty is already here.

mariannewilliamson1

 

 

Drop the Illusion

Once upon a moment in the story of time and space, I believed that I could change.  I believed that what I did would impact outcomes and shape the tides of transformation.

This was a lot of work.

I was so busy, and by design, that my ‘work’ to control my life consumed me.

One day, as I set about my work to make my life what I wanted, the veil of illusion lifted.

Life was unfolding and I was simply along for the ride.

While I am grateful to know this and happy to slow down my efforts of control, I have to accept the truths I have been avoiding.

My life may not change to the story I want.

I may not find peace or be free from fear.

Yet, in acceptance of what is, I am finding a degree of freedom.  Inaction is a balm to my overtaxed soul.

With this acceptance, hidden pain I had long ago buried has floated its way back to my awareness.

Instead of working hard to eliminate this pain, I am letting it be, letting it unfold.

Letting it teach me.

Drop the Illusion

 

 

What We Carry

Through my entire existence, I have been labeled by others and self-identified as sensitive.  I did not know I could change the oft unflattering connotations that this label has held for me.  I have carried the burden of being so completely outside the norm that it broke me.  It broke me hard.

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Eventually, I realized that it does not matter if I am or am not sensitive.  I am dropping this story as much as I can in as many ways possible. So what if I am?  So what if you are?  Let us look instead at where these false assumptions about ourselves lead us.  If we stay stuck in the personal, if we stay married to the labels, then we miss the entire point.

Every single one of us is somehow ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’ or ‘too this’ or ‘too that’.  If you want to spend your days in judgment determining what are acceptable levels of these traits in yourself and others, then this is your right.  Maybe sometimes a little good will come from these judgments. In my experience, this is rarely the case.  I believe labels and our judgments about them keep us looking outward where no solace can be found.

If you want to keep focusing outward, I hope you are able to at least consider the crosses you bear only hurt because you carry them.  

Lay them down.

 

 

 

Soul Gardens

Each of us is given a small soul garden.  Our purpose is to nurture this parcel of emotional real-estate.  This is how its beauty is preserved and our spiritual wisdom grows.  This system works perfectly when we tend to only our garden and remember that the sun above is always there, loving us through triumph and tragedy.  When we forget about the sun, hardship ensues.  We feel lost and afraid so what do we do?  We start trying to tend to gardens other than the one right in front of us.  When this happens, we quickly pay a price.  Our little garden loses its luster and begins to wilt at the first signs of neglect.  The gardens beyond us in which we meddle and manipulate, begin to crumble away at the indignity.  If this continues, all the gardens of the world start to suffer.

The best we can do is remember the sun in all circumstances and continually remind ourselves to tend only to the soul garden we were given.

This is how love blooms.

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The Water Underneath

In difficult relationships or situations, the trick of the tiny self is to analyze to the point of exhaustion.  Somehow, we falsely believe, if we could figure things out it will magically improve everything.  You might try new angles, new avenues and search for answers by asking someone you trust.  Maybe, just maybe, if we try a little bit more, a peaceful resolution will settle over us and we will ride off into the sunset happy with ourselves and the world.

It’s not true.

The only truth is to observe what hurts you the most and let it be.

This doesn’t mean you won’t eventually be inspired to act, but it stops you from looking outside yourself for the answers.

Let the frustration be.

Let the situation touch all your trigger points in your heart.

Let the person who befuddles you continue on their path.

Let it all unfold.

In my experience, once our analytical minds pause, the pain we have hidden from ourselves arises.

We have been taught pain is unacceptable.

It’s not true.

Pain is as welcome in our awareness as any other feeling, thought or emotion.

Pain just is.

Stop trying to change it, or diminish it.

Let it be.

Let it unfold.

 

“Our lives are like icebergs; most people pay attention just to the part above water, but what is really going on happens underneath the water level of everyday awareness.”

-Mary O’Malley

What’s in the Way Is the Way

The Floating Heart

The tiny girl sat on the step.

A wisp of wind blew her golden strands across her face,

Matted to her tears, she moved them aside with her hand.

She watched herself doing this but not from where she sat,

The tiny girl was somewhere else.

 

Her heart floated away when it became too heavy for her small body to carry.

This is how she coped when life broke her.

She had learned no one outside her had any answers.

Often, other people were more broken than she was,

The difference is she knew she was and she owned it.

She didn’t deflect her suffering onto others,

She held it in her small body until it was too much, and then,… she was gone.

 

She rested in Love while everything crumbled.

 

Her prayers were only for the realization that none of us are separate.

We are all branches expressing the deepest roots of Love.

 

When the tiny girl returned to her body, the suffering had not subsided, at least not today, maybe not tomorrow and maybe it never would.

 

This seemed to matter to her but somewhere beyond herself she knew that it didn’t.

Suffering seems to define a body’s experience but instead, it strengthens the soul.

 

When our suffering is so deep, so true, so beyond ourselves, this is when we begin our

journey Home.

The tiny girl’s ancient journey had started before she began.

She couldn’t alter the path even if she had wanted to.

It made her feel so alone until she understood it was teaching her True Connection.

 

But for now, all she had was the step she sat upon, the tears that would not cease and an unbearably heavy heart…

 

And in that instant, she floated away once more…