Tag Archive | suffering

The Rising Tide

Imagine sitting in a small rowboat as it fills with water.

The water is our fear.

We cup our hands into it and toss it away again and again.

Is it any wonder that we are hurting and tired?

Sometimes, we think those with less water in their boats are more frightening than the water itself.

So what do we do?

We attack them with our words and our deeds.  We try to shame them into having the same amount of fear/water we possess.

There comes a time when our arms tire from all the fearful judgments we fling outward.  Our minds then fuzz over with exhaustion from trying to sink everyone but ourselves.

What happens then?

Do we then sink?  Or, do we rise up with the tide and let Love carry us?

Maybe consider Love today.

It will carry us through no matter how deep the water.

Spiritual Writes The Rising Tide

She Is the Sky

Through a lifetime, the person I believed I was walked through the world alone.  There was something about her that did not belong.  It was as if a wall of thick ice surrounded her.

This chill kept others away.

She became a great pretender.  She had many stretches where she used her intuitive empathy to emulate those around her.  She could suspend herself in this false belonging, but only for short bursts.

When these illusions crumbled, she was once again left with that cold block of soul she lugged around.  She carried it to many corners of the world hoping belonging would find her there.

After years of listless wandering, the cold began to overtake her.  No matter what she did to warm herself, her heart remained frozen until one day it shattered completely.

She stood in the middle of the craggy shards of who-she-used-to-be and believed she was lost forever.

Years went by and she remained lost.

Years.

Without her knowledge, a drastic change had occurred.  While she still always felt cold and continued to repel others, it did not matter as much to her.

Along the way, because life had broken her so much, she had given up the pretending.  This meant more illusions of belonging had to fall away from her life, but what remained was solid and true.

As she let go of wanting to be loved by many, she also began to let go of the solid and true few that loved her as she was.

To her relief, they stayed close.

Every day she celebrates the love that shows up to find her.

Every day she works to release her expectations of what that love should look like.  Not surprisingly, she always has enough.

She always had enough, but she could not see it.  Not while she focused on belonging where she did not.

Where she stands now, she is everything all at once.

She is fire and ice.  She is light and dark.

She is the sky.

She is hope.

She is no one.

She is all of us.

She is You.

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Points of Light

There will be points of light on your path.

Try your best to stop counting them and wishing for more.

Be grateful for the ones you have, for they are more than enough to light your way Home.

Each small self has a history, present and future.  While these look different from the outside, they are exactly the same on the inside.

Your path may have taken you to heartbreak.  You may have lost your way and then found it again.

You may be surrounded by friends and family cheering you forward.

You may have to walk alone.

When we stop asking why the self’s story looks the way it does, we shift towards a new understanding.

All is perfection.

There is nothing more to want.  There is nothing more to need.

There is only the sweet, pure path to Love and Truth.

It has no history.

It has no future.

It is now.

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New Beginnings

What if today, if only for a moment, there was a total trust in life’s unfoldment?

Could you rest?

I cannot make any promises for you on life’s behalf.

Life knows better than we do.

Pain and loss often teach us more than laughter and joy.

Collect each experience, as best as you can, and place them in the basket of your soul.  The depth of these experiences will soon surpass your need for happiness.

For happiness is fleeting and leaves as quickly as it arrives.

Truth, the kind that holds our being together through the storms, can only find us when life is unexpected.

This is how we stretch and grow.

This is why endings sometimes hurt us.

All we have is this moment.

Best to leave the rest up to tomorrow.

 

 

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Beauty is Nigh

I have been climbing this mountain for a while now.  The path is uncertain and jagged rocks claw at my boots causing countless falls.

I am covered in dirt.

I am tired.

Yet, I keep going, keep pushing.  I am bound to break through to the light.

Hard work means success.

Hard work means success?

Why do I not see the progression?

Where is the top?  Is it buried in the clouds?  Will it never lend itself to me?

I have to keep going.

Think positive.  Be brave.  Keep moving towards the light.

My legs ache with exertion, my back caves into the pressure.  I am not sure how much further I can go.

In my tired confusion my eyes skim an upturned root a second too late.   I crash face first into the mud-covered path.  Pain sears through my skull as it connects to the ground beneath me.

I am jolted to a dead-stop.

Fear immediately washes over me.  No one has ever given me permission to quit.  All the heroes’ journeys are about motion.  Movement.  Doing.  Slaying. Fighting for your Life.

What about a journey that stops right in the middle?

Did I fail?

Am I a failure?

I give up completely.

The pain is too great to continue.

I have nothing more to give as this path has robbed me of my hope.

I flip myself over and sit squarely upon the very root that upended me.

My head tilts forward as the tears begin to catch at my feet, mingling with the puddles and earth below me.

Out of the corner of a tear-stained eye, I notice movement. A cardinal flutters nearby.  The bright red punctures the landscape with truth.

Once my eyes affix to it, she gently floats away so my gaze aligns with the path behind us.

All I see is beauty.

All I am is beauty.

The light filters in through the towering pines that flank the pathway.  This light dapples and dances across the greenery before us.

As I soak in the majesty around me, I understand that the only fear I was running from was my own.  This fear masked a deep, guarded pain that I keep hidden by always moving.

I have to stop running.

It is time to be still.

The only thing running gets you is tired.

Beauty is already here.

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Drop the Illusion

Once upon a moment in the story of time and space, I believed that I could change.  I believed that what I did would impact outcomes and shape the tides of transformation.

This was a lot of work.

I was so busy, and by design, that my ‘work’ to control my life consumed me.

One day, as I set about my work to make my life what I wanted, the veil of illusion lifted.

Life was unfolding and I was simply along for the ride.

While I am grateful to know this and happy to slow down my efforts of control, I have to accept the truths I have been avoiding.

My life may not change to the story I want.

I may not find peace or be free from fear.

Yet, in acceptance of what is, I am finding a degree of freedom.  Inaction is a balm to my overtaxed soul.

With this acceptance, hidden pain I had long ago buried has floated its way back to my awareness.

Instead of working hard to eliminate this pain, I am letting it be, letting it unfold.

Letting it teach me.

Drop the Illusion

 

 

What We Carry

Through my entire existence, I have been labeled by others and self-identified as sensitive.  I did not know I could change the oft unflattering connotations that this label has held for me.  I have carried the burden of being so completely outside the norm that it broke me.  It broke me hard.

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Eventually, I realized that it does not matter if I am or am not sensitive.  I am dropping this story as much as I can in as many ways possible. So what if I am?  So what if you are?  Let us look instead at where these false assumptions about ourselves lead us.  If we stay stuck in the personal, if we stay married to the labels, then we miss the entire point.

Every single one of us is somehow ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’ or ‘too this’ or ‘too that’.  If you want to spend your days in judgment determining what are acceptable levels of these traits in yourself and others, then this is your right.  Maybe sometimes a little good will come from these judgments. In my experience, this is rarely the case.  I believe labels and our judgments about them keep us looking outward where no solace can be found.

If you want to keep focusing outward, I hope you are able to at least consider the crosses you bear only hurt because you carry them.  

Lay them down.