Tag Archive | Spirituality

True Selves

Remembering your True Self is harrowing. You have to overcome incredible obstacles. The pain will be great. It will leave you exhausted, alone and searching for answers.

The pain lessens when the searching stops.

There are no answers to find, only Love to remember.

If Truth has found you, if it has slipped past the fortress of self-identification, there is nothing more to do.

For most of us Truth Seekers, our identity will be dismantled over time. It is so painful at first, you may attempt to do more to relieve the suffering of transcending the self. The goals of peace, contentment and joy will propel you to action.

Real Truth has no goal.

It simply is.

It exists on a plane without words, thought or doing of any kind.

Once you begin to identify that all the doing in the world will not expedite your process to Peace, that is when the healing starts to show up.

The challenges in your life remain the same but you are invested in them less.

This lessening of attachment is gradual at first but will pick up momentum.

Soon enough, you will relinquish any doing and hand it over to Truth.

Truth was always in the driver’s seat.

Maybe it is time to let go and watch the scenery pass by.

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Going or Staying

As you connect to your True Nature, you will find life does not fit you the same.  Changes often start on a subconscious level.  Subtle layers are added to and subtracted from your everyday world.  Then, after enough of these layers push and pull against your normal experience, the tides shift and sweep away what no longer serves you.

This means you may have to let some people in your life go.

Not everyone, but some.

Some may be angry with you for changing.  They may try to use guilt to keep you where they are.

You are not better for needing to go.  They are not worse for having to stay.

Both different points on the path of awakening.

I used to mistakenly attribute others leaving my life to deep, unchangeable personal flaws.  My first error was believing that my wholeness was contingent on others’ acceptance of me.  My second was not knowing that I was projecting my own non-acceptance of myself onto others.  What I saw in them was what I was too afraid to admit.  

I did not accept myself.

Then, this too, started to change and shift.

Now, I see that as a personal self, acceptance in a traditional sense is unobtainable.  Personal selves are messy.  We will never be free of mistakes.  

What remains True for Me, what holds me together at the seams is within me.  

There is such Love within, personal selves and stories dissipate in this awareness.  It makes being human bearable.  

It is steady and sure. 

If people come or if people go, this Love does not change. 

It will not leave.

This eternal surety is yours for the taking.

Standing in the Ordinary

Even though I experience Truth easily and often, I still struggle to grasp that I am awakening.  There are not a lot of ‘regular’ people talking about their Knowing of Truth.

Yet, here I am.  Standing on the cusp of enlightenment with barely a roadmap to lead the way.

I am making it up as I go.

There is a great vacillation that occurs on this path.  This is also rarely identified or discussed.  Either you are awake or you are not.

But, what if I am awake some days and not the others?

This leads to pain and confusion.  Why are there days of complete peace and days of complete suffering?

It is a process.

It is okay to get it ‘wrong’ some days and not have all the answers.

Be thankful for the ‘regular’ parts of your ‘regular’ life.  They are the glue that is holding your sense of self together until it is safe to shed your identity completely.

“In today’s society, most of us having these realizations are not living in monasteries; we are not in a particularly supportive environment.  In fact, in our society it is possible to have an amazing realization on Saturday and be back in the office Monday morning.”

-Adyashanti

‘The End of Your World’

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Dismantled Illusion

I often wondered why the spiritual path was so painful for me.  Starting out, I thought it would relieve suffering, but initially, and for a years’ long stretch of time, it made my suffering worse.

Why was that?

When I first stumbled into Oneness, I felt the Peace that lived there.  It enveloped my soul and my inner turmoil diminished to a great degree.  I thought I could live from this experience permanently.

It did not work that way.

Instead, I was dropped back into my separate experience.  It was more painful than ever because I had experienced Truth.  I had pulled back the veil of illusion and I could not take away this Knowing.

Trying to live as a separate, small self seemed wrong somehow.

“In fact, it is much more painful to act in a way that we know is not true once we’ve seen that it is not true.”

-Adyashanti 

‘The End of Your World’

Now that I am farther on the path, it is still painful attempting to live as separate, but I do not mind it as much as I did before.  Now, I allow the small self to have her experiences, her judgments and her fears.  Beyond this allowing is Truth always humming in the background.

I am less concerned how far this small self will go on her path of awakening.  Therefore, I am kinder to her and this is an easier way to exist as a separate self.

Truth is whole, it encompasses all.  It leaves no stone unturned or dark corner unlit.

I have done my part, Truth will undo the rest.

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Awakening in Stages

As humans, we arrive in our experience believing we are separate from our Source and from each other.  Some remember in an instant and are fully immersed in a sustained Truth that is unshakeable.  For the remainder of us on the path of awakening, remembering our True State comes to us in stages.

The first stage is an undoing of the illusory constructs of our personal identity.  This is where an internal shift begins and will not be stopped until our egos are completely undone.  Once you step beyond the small self, you can never fully return to it.

Then, in the second stage, you are caught in the uncertainty of not knowing what is real and what is not.  This can last for weeks, years, decades or sometimes a lifetime.  Give yourself compassion if this is where you are.  This is the most painful part of Remembering.  I have lived it.  It almost broke me apart into a million pieces.  Looking back I understand breaking down to near extinction was the point.  My identity had to be stripped away to nothing so I could experience Truth.

I am now entering the third phase of Remembering.  I am still a small self but I am no longer afraid of Truth.  Each day I am more and more willing to turn inward to the astounding Beauty within me.  I have less fear.  I have more peace.  The small self is healing in ways big and small.

When I am immersed in this Peace, I know Love like the back of my hand.  It holds me, it heals me, it sets me free.

I have only begun the real work of Awakening.  My purpose is to keep Remembering as much as I am able and share this Knowing with anyone who is ready to listen.

When it is time for you to listen, you will Know.

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The Stream

The girl is thirsty.  She follows everyone to the well.  She watches as each person sends their bucket deep into the darkness.  They retrieve the water they need.

It is never quite enough.

When the girl attempts to gather water for her seeming insatiable thirst, her bucket often comes up empty.

She looks to the others for guidance, for comfort, for some way of knowing that her bucket will be filled beyond measure.

They cannot answer her.  They are too busy trying to keep their own buckets filled.

They are doing their best.

The girl, in her heart, knows there is more to be found.  More water, more love, more safety.

Just more.

Of everything.  Where truth shines and burdens are lifted.

Where enough water flows for everyone.

She leaves the well behind and all the people.  She sets out on her own path.  She sees a hill calling out to be climbed.

She answers with determined steps.

She picks up speed and her effort grows.

Until finally, she reaches the peak.  Her momentum tumbles her down the other side.

She lands and the soft earth catches her.

Then, she sees it.

A beautiful, bubbling stream of clear fresh water.  There is more than enough here for her.  There is enough for everyone.

She rushes back to share this good fortune, but no one believes her.  They like the well water.  They trust it.

No one likes change.

The girl leaves them to their work.  She knows they will find the stream when they are ready.

She makes her way back to the water’s edge.  Love washes over her and fear slips away.

She is safe.

The stream is Everything.

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The Wave of Realization

 

As a self in this unpredictable world the suffering experienced by this mind was intense.  The combination of enduring great loss, experiencing constant uncertainty and never quite belonging, broke this mind through the illusory nature of life.

For many months and years, this mind has been in a vice-grip of contradiction.  Stuck in-between, believing in the world and at other times peacefully transcending it.

This mind lives two separate experiences.

I am gradually starting to prefer my Freedom-state.  You might imagine this is the easy choice.  For some it is.  It is sudden, whole and permanent.  This mind’s process is slower, but seems to be picking up momentum.

If you have started on the path and it hurts, I understand.  We may never reach full realization, but even the tiniest glow of Truth is worth it.

You may still suffer, as I do, but it begins to matter less because Beauty grows louder with each breath.  Until it becomes so loud it is all our souls can hear.

This Knowing will sustain us.

Quote On Enlightenment A Bundle Of Joy And Peace 21 Inspiring Quotations From Thich Nhat

 

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