Tag Archive | Spirituality

Dismantled Illusion

I often wondered why the spiritual path was so painful for me.  Starting out, I thought it would relieve suffering, but initially, and for a years’ long stretch of time, it made my suffering worse.

Why was that?

When I first stumbled into Oneness, I felt the Peace that lived there.  It enveloped my soul and my inner turmoil diminished to a great degree.  I thought I could live from this experience permanently.

It did not work that way.

Instead, I was dropped back into my separate experience.  It was more painful than ever because I had experienced Truth.  I had pulled back the veil of illusion and I could not take away this Knowing.

Trying to live as a separate, small self seemed wrong somehow.

“In fact, it is much more painful to act in a way that we know is not true once we’ve seen that it is not true.”

-Adyashanti 

‘The End of Your World’

Now that I am farther on the path, it is still painful attempting to live as separate, but I do not mind it as much as I did before.  Now, I allow the small self to have her experiences, her judgments and her fears.  Beyond this allowing is Truth always humming in the background.

I am less concerned how far this small self will go on her path of awakening.  Therefore, I am kinder to her and this is an easier way to exist as a separate self.

Truth is whole, it encompasses all.  It leaves no stone unturned or dark corner unlit.

I have done my part, Truth will undo the rest.

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Awakening in Stages

As humans, we arrive in our experience believing we are separate from our Source and from each other.  Some remember in an instant and are fully immersed in a sustained Truth that is unshakeable.  For the remainder of us on the path of awakening, remembering our True State comes to us in stages.

The first stage is an undoing of the illusory constructs of our personal identity.  This is where an internal shift begins and will not be stopped until our egos are completely undone.  Once you step beyond the small self, you can never fully return to it.

Then, in the second stage, you are caught in the uncertainty of not knowing what is real and what is not.  This can last for weeks, years, decades or sometimes a lifetime.  Give yourself compassion if this is where you are.  This is the most painful part of Remembering.  I have lived it.  It almost broke me apart into a million pieces.  Looking back I understand breaking down to near extinction was the point.  My identity had to be stripped away to nothing so I could experience Truth.

I am now entering the third phase of Remembering.  I am still a small self but I am no longer afraid of Truth.  Each day I am more and more willing to turn inward to the astounding Beauty within me.  I have less fear.  I have more peace.  The small self is healing in ways big and small.

When I am immersed in this Peace, I know Love like the back of my hand.  It holds me, it heals me, it sets me free.

I have only begun the real work of Awakening.  My purpose is to keep Remembering as much as I am able and share this Knowing with anyone who is ready to listen.

When it is time for you to listen, you will Know.

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The Stream

The girl is thirsty.  She follows everyone to the well.  She watches as each person sends their bucket deep into the darkness.  They retrieve the water they need.

It is never quite enough.

When the girl attempts to gather water for her seeming insatiable thirst, her bucket often comes up empty.

She looks to the others for guidance, for comfort, for some way of knowing that her bucket will be filled beyond measure.

They cannot answer her.  They are too busy trying to keep their own buckets filled.

They are doing their best.

The girl, in her heart, knows there is more to be found.  More water, more love, more safety.

Just more.

Of everything.  Where truth shines and burdens are lifted.

Where enough water flows for everyone.

She leaves the well behind and all the people.  She sets out on her own path.  She sees a hill calling out to be climbed.

She answers with determined steps.

She picks up speed and her effort grows.

Until finally, she reaches the peak.  Her momentum tumbles her down the other side.

She lands and the soft earth catches her.

Then, she sees it.

A beautiful, bubbling stream of clear fresh water.  There is more than enough here for her.  There is enough for everyone.

She rushes back to share this good fortune, but no one believes her.  They like the well water.  They trust it.

No one likes change.

The girl leaves them to their work.  She knows they will find the stream when they are ready.

She makes her way back to the water’s edge.  Love washes over her and fear slips away.

She is safe.

The stream is Everything.

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The Wave of Realization

 

As a self in this unpredictable world the suffering experienced by this mind was intense.  The combination of enduring great loss, experiencing constant uncertainty and never quite belonging, broke this mind through the illusory nature of life.

For many months and years, this mind has been in a vice-grip of contradiction.  Stuck in-between, believing in the world and at other times peacefully transcending it.

This mind lives two separate experiences.

I am gradually starting to prefer my Freedom-state.  You might imagine this is the easy choice.  For some it is.  It is sudden, whole and permanent.  This mind’s process is slower, but seems to be picking up momentum.

If you have started on the path and it hurts, I understand.  We may never reach full realization, but even the tiniest glow of Truth is worth it.

You may still suffer, as I do, but it begins to matter less because Beauty grows louder with each breath.  Until it becomes so loud it is all our souls can hear.

This Knowing will sustain us.

Quote On Enlightenment A Bundle Of Joy And Peace 21 Inspiring Quotations From Thich Nhat

 

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Could BE

We are told life should be a certain way.  If it strays from this expectation we judge it as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.

No one teaches us how to live the life we have been given.  We must learn that for ourselves even if there are things about it that we do not like.  Even if there are things about ourselves we do not like.

We suffer because life is not what we want.  We suffer because we are not what we think we should be.

This suffering layers upon itself and spirals us down the rabbit hole of despair.

First, to begin our healing, we have to recognize our unhappiness.  We have to find the thoughts within our minds that support that life is not as it should be.

This takes time.

This takes courage.

It is hard but you do not have to do anything more than that.  Make space for your judgments against life and yourself.

Given the framework we live in, it would make sense you would have these thoughts of ‘not enough’ or ‘less than’.

How does it feel to watch your judgments and not fight them?

For me, it feels easier.  The suffering these thoughts cause still remains but the resistance to them is diminished.

When we stop fighting what is, what will happen?

This could be the first step towards Love.  This could be the first step towards healing.

This could be the beginning of everything.

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Choices

Every day life presents us with a choice.  But first, we have to acknowledge this choice exists.  This realization could happen in an instant or take years of dismantling our beliefs.

Either way, the choice exists and when we are ready, we must select the one that fits us best.

This is simple but our minds may not be ready to see it as so.

I finally see the choices clearly.  One has me part of the world, fighting each day for peace in my heart.  The other holds the stairs that will transcend me beyond the world.  If I remain in the fight, it will appear I am not alone.  If I choose the stairs, it will appear I am completely alone.

The choices are real, but the assumptions I have about them are false.

The stairs hold True Connection.  The world holds everything else.

Either choice does not fit me.

Both break my heart in different ways.

I am not ready to choose.

I am adrift in my indecision.

All I am ready to do is honor my confusion.

So, I sit at this bend in my spiritual road and rest for a while.

All decisions in the world symbolically reflect exactly where I am.  If you are tired and you are confused, come and rest with me for a while.

We will wait here together.

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No Turning Back

It may or may not be true that self-identification is falling away for me.

To this self, it appears so.

I certainly have experienced the Dream of the World in a way that cannot be articulated.

For many years I believed my experience was solitary.  Then, as the suffering of seeing illusions everywhere I looked overwhelmed this self’s logic, I started to find my experience in the words of the great wisdom teachers before me.

Every time I find a collection of words that reflects the Oneness I feel, my soul rejoices in this recognition.

I cannot say this has made the process easier, but it has made me feel less alone.

These words are what carry me through the tunnel of the unknown.

I hope my words carry you when you need it most.

Am I afraid?

Of course.

Do I wish for my experience to be different?

Every day.

The one absolute Truth is, I cannot turn back.

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