Tag Archive | healing trauma

The Tunnel of Life

In the tunnel of life we are always told to keep facing forward. Our eyes must remain fixed in place at all costs. Even on our most broken days, we must keep marching towards the tunnel’s illuminated endpoint.

The light at the end of the tunnel holds the All of Everything we need to finally be whole. Redemption awaits us there. The banquet tables of celebration are set in anticipation of our arrival.

We are not to question anything. We are not to notice that the light seems to move farther from us with each step. The light is not for the weary of faith. It is for the believers. Believers never question.

Eyes forward, no questions.

Keep marching.

The world and its wisdom shouts at us to keep trudging. Even if we stumble and twist our ankle, we grab some crutches and go.

The light waits for no one.

We march in packs mostly, but today, as exhaustion settles into me, I find myself unable to keep pace. At first, I slow my gait. Eventually, when this does not quell my malaise, I come to a halt.

I am not going to make it to the light.

My hands scrape down the tunnel as I fold my legs into a seat on the floor.

It is cold. It is damp.

It reeks of utter defeat.

I try to comfort myself. I gave it everything I had.

It was not enough.

I begin to accept the quiet possibility that I am not enough. I am not made for this journey. The light is not meant for me.

My heart drops low in my chest. As my senses adjust to the absence of light, a spark at the edge of my despair catches my eye. Fear forces me to avert my gaze.

Yet, it is persistent.

Soon, the all of my sadness is alight with bursting, blinding, brightness. It fills my being, my heart, and my soul. The entire tunnel is shining. I am able to see in all directions. The past, the present, the future.

As I take in this new source of light, I notice for the first time the full magnificence of the tunnel as it is.

Right here, right now.  This moment, this beauty.

It is everything.

Until now, I never considered the tunnel was beauty.  No one ever said the tunnel itself was beautiful.

If I never make it out, I have enough right here to sustain me.  Here I am fed by eternal, untouchable beauty and reminded of my inner light.

The tunnel and I are one.

The tunnel is the light.

Therefore, I am the light.

I am the light.

I have always been the light.

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You Are Magic

Deep in the quiet space between thoughts, she asked Stillness to guide her. 

This is how Stillness answered:

My Dearest,

Be compassionate for the human you are.  You are closer to Truth than you are away from it.

Live your sorrows out loud.

Let yourself be.

Show yourself love as the return-to-Home process continues.  You are quite unusual because you keep turning towards suffering instead of running away from it.  You have not made sense of this yet, but you will.  I promise you that.

You need to not only believe in magic, but remember you are magic.  As long as you continue to express what is true-for-you and do what lights you up the most, you will experience far more grace than you ever thought possible.

This dreamer’s dream is about to explode with joyful, never-ending possibility.  Each step forward will hand back to you a piece of your broken soul. You will puzzle it together, smooth out the edges and breathe into your birthright of peace, hope, comfort and healing.  You will do all of this with the knowledge this experience is not special.  It is available to All.

You will carry a lantern for others still lost in the darkness.

All humans are living the same hero’s journey.  Some are awake to this fact, most are not. Neither perspective is right or wrong.  It is the way things are.

You are awake so show yourself mercy.  Enough mercy to hold the All-of-Everything within you.

Always believe yourself.  Believe every thought and every feeling you have.

If you can do that, you will always have enough.

Walk well, Darling Girl.

The Light will catch up to you soon.

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All Our Ways

In our rush to fix what is broken, we often exert tremendous efforts towards mending ourselves.  We read every book, download every class, meditate with the masters, and seek answers for the empty questions walled within our hearts.  All this effort may offer us temporary comfort and a flash of clarity, but it rarely holds steady.

Maybe it isn’t our brokenness that needs mending but how we view our brokenness.

For every healing measure we undertake in our lives signals our soul that we are damaged.  Over and over, again and again, our continuous seeking mires us deeper in the quicksand of not being enough exactly as we are.

You are not broken.

You are Love.

Let your soul hear that.  Even through the pain and all the wrong turns of life, you are Love.

Brokenness does not determine worth.  Brokenness helps reveal the truth when we have covered and forgotten it.

We are Beauty in motion, Light in full-force and Perfect in all our ways.

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Dear One

Oh, Dear One,

You have given your best

Somehow, within all the constant motioning, you realized it was not real

You had to find the balance of living your fears and heartache while planting seeds of hope in the more of who-you-are

You learned turning away from tumult only makes it louder

Your humanity remains fixed

Forgive yourself for this

Grow your heart wider than the river of suffering on which you float

Even when your sorrow catches in the current, grow wider still

You will always land with soft feet and sunlit eyes by embracing the divinity of Love

For every broken dream, Dear One, has led you to the mountain

Before you would have climbed with all your might

But, not today

You know the beauty of the mountain is the same at all points and peaks

Grow your heart wide, Dear One,

Grow wider still

 

 

 

 

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Thy Name is Love

Sometimes what is broken must remain so, but only for a little while.

We cannot make the pain of heartbreak leave us before it has transformed what needed mending. We may walk blindly through life for years not knowing we are holding onto beliefs that do not serve or heartache too painful to process.

For years.

The courage to face what is broken comes to us over time.  As we live through the ups and downs of life, our inner resources grow and our faith that life is in our favor expands.

So that pain you have been carrying, as it it surfaces, even though it feels like the world may be ending, is sending you a message.

This pain is your beauty.  It is where all that is True and Loving exist for you.  You are shedding beliefs that are hurtful.  Learn to sit with your heartbreak and let it tell its tale.  Let it rage at the unfairness of it all.  Let it mourn the relationships that are not meant to be.  Let it break itself apart until it is a glittering, jagged mess of edges and shards.  Until it is no longer recognizable.  Until you realize that you can rename it.

And that name is Love.

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This Is Life

Within life’s shatterings, a wisdom will find and guide us.  This wisdom watches and waits without judgement.  It knows the Truth of our hearts.  When life does not match our heart’s Truth, it starts to crumble away.

Even if we are aware of this process, it will not prevent the pain associated with it.  If we attempt to avoid this pain, it only prolongs our suffering.

First the crumble, then the pain and then we meet our Truth.

Most of our pain is attached to our illusion that we are in control of how life unfolds.  This can take many forms.  It can look like ‘security’ with the way things are and a belief comfortable circumstances will remain the same.  It sometimes shows up as imagining a future goal and our desired outcome of this goal will free us from our feelings of inadequacy.  The most common and habitual deflection of the fear of life’s constant shifts is placing our anger, guilt, shame and blame on others.

We can stay trapped in this ‘otherness’ for a lifetime.

It is okay if we do.  We are human.

However, we can make freedom choices within our human framework that originate in awareness.  If we choose to be present as much as we are able, Truth might reach us today instead of tomorrow.

This is the practice.  This is life.

This is Everything.

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Complete Happiness

When your story begins, you do not choose the participants.  You make the best of who shows up.  You can dance, sing, cry, scream or in the worst cases, make yourself invisible all in the name of seeking outside validation within your story’s confines.

You can do this for as long as necessary, until your inner well empties and you feel as if you may die from thirst.  This thirst burns at you until you take ownership of what is going on inside your heart.

Grief.  Sorrow. Regret.

I have walked along the path of life with these as my companions.  I did my best to ignore them.  I ran faster, tried harder and configured myself into images I believed might make me lovable.

Nothing I did worked until one day exhaustion forced me to stop.  As I rested Grief, Sorrow and Regret finally caught up to me.

“Why are you running?” they asked.  “Where are you trying to go?”

To my freedom I told them.

“But that is not The Way.  Freedom is not a destination, it is an understanding.  It is not there, it is here.

Right here.

Always.”

I had not realized it yet but Grief, Sorrow and Regret had become my friends.  By talking to them and letting them have their say, they bestowed gifts upon me.

As I feel what needs to be felt and express what needs to leave me, I am learning the greatest lesson of all.

Even love unreciprocated heals us.  For every blind heart we have turned towards is a reminder that the only love we need is within us.

You are complete.

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