Tag Archive | freedom

Illumination

If you happen to think there is something within you unexpressed whether it’s art, thought, deed or dance, it’s time to let it out.  Be unafraid of the world’s reception of it.

Where does the fear originate?

Not fitting in?

Rejection?

Being alone?

Let me ask you this, by suppressing this within magic, does this support you in feeling alive, connected and whole?  Or do you feel though you are surrounded by many…. few, maybe none, appreciate the truest version of you?

Take some risks.

The anticipation of failure is far worse than anything that may or may not happen as a result.

Even if you fail to a proportion not yet imagined, this would fade with time.

As soon as you read these words and thoughts they are gone from the page.

Maybe the goal isn’t ‘success’ or acceptance.

Maybe the goal should be something more universal.

Maybe the goal should be love.

If we create and express from our true compass of internal light, however it lands in the world is perfect.

Whenever I write I let love lead me.

You can choose to receive it or let it go.

Both responses equal in that they both are impermanent.

If a flutter of love floats near you as a result of my wording or imagery…truth has been served, my purpose fulfilled.  Even if you aren’t ready to receive it yet, the doorway to love may have moved a millimeter towards truth.  All I can do is my work, and if it happens to help you do yours, that’s a natural by-product of the work itself.  It isn’t me, it isn’t you, it’s ALL of us.

I can rest my pen and my heart knowing I tried.

What is trying but another form of illumination?

Illumination

The Stages of the Path

A spiritual path is not chosen.  It is given to everyone.  Every single one of us has the chance to journey inward to our highest self, or remain trapped in the machinations of the seemingly unfixable external world.  Honestly, I’m not comfortable with either, but the inward path, while currently quite painful, makes more sense to me than anything that unfolds in the world.

The first stage is recognizing that we are more than our bodies.  That part is easy.  Once our self-identified egos realize that we are open to the Truth beyond our personal selves, this is where it becomes treacherous.  Most of us abandon the path at the first sign of trouble.  That is okay.  Whatever you do or don’t do aligns perfectly with however the eventual awakening of the planet happens.  Do not worry one bit if going inward hurts too much because believe me, it does.  Maybe some day you will be ready, maybe some day you won’t, you are perfect right where you are at.  As much as I’ve tried to avoid going beyond the self, it hurts me more not to.  So, I keep going, one painful step at a time.  On to the next stage…

This is where you understand that there are two thought systems in your mind.  One that is full of judgment, blame, guilt, fear, comparison, lack…these all are personal self-ways to stay mired in the story of life.  The other thought system is LOVE.  This isn’t love in the traditional sense (as related to a personal self or selves).  This love doesn’t transform the outer world, this is the love that transcends it.  Very different.  This is the love that accepts the world exactly as it is because it is beyond the world.  This probably doesn’t make a lot a sense, that’s the trap built into it.  It seems to make no sense to keep the personal self denying the Truth. Even slightly entertaining the thought of something beyond the self might make you angry, upset or spark a myriad of malaise and maladies.  If it seems like too much trouble, then it is.  Let it go and if being a self in the world works for you, then keep going as you are.  Nothing to change, nothing to do, all is well.  However, if something inside you is recognizing even a tiny speck of the truth beyond the veil of the world, then you might make it your life’s work to consciously discern from the two thought systems in your mind.  If you do this, it is the hardest work you will ever do.  Your personal self will fight you tooth and nail.  It will be subtle, sneaky, overt, mean, seductive, and whatever else it can throw at you to keep you engaged in its story.  The personal self knows if you are outwardly focused on making the story of your life different, better, shinier… then you don’t have to do the work of letting it all go.

The next stage is the letting go part.  I’m not there yet so all I can write about is what I imagine this to look like.  This is where the thought system of love wins all the time.  There is no need or desire to change the self, the world or anyone or anything all.  This is where we are liberated from thinking we need to change anything about ourselves.  There is nothing wrong with us.  The only idea that is wrong is that we believe something that isn’t true.  We are more than our bodies.  Believing we aren’t is the source of all our pain, separation and angst.  However, I will say this again, if you are at peace with the story of your life and the world as is, it is okay to stick with it.  On the other hand, if something feels off or like you will never quite belong here, maybe consider the inward path.

I used to think that it was all up to me.  It’s not.  It is inevitable.  We all awaken in our own time and at our own pace.  This I know for sure.

“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”

-Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

A World of Light

At the beginning of 2017, I started a daily yoga practice.  Often, during my time on the mat, various teachers and instructors have said, “Take what serves you and leave the rest.”  This is a guiding principle for all of life and recently, I have realized it is especially applicable to relationships.

We make relationships harder than they need to be.  If we are conscious, we can interact with another without making them responsible for how we feel.  We can allow them the space to be a full expression of who they are.  We can learn to judge less and observe more.

It’s never the person hurting us, it is our story about them that hurts us.

We must learn to ‘take what serves us’ in a relationship and let go of everything else.  If the relationship does not serve, then we have to let go of it completely.

Let them go with love.

 

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The Buddha Heart

Having experienced the beyond-ness of all-that-is (which is something you can’t know until you do), I spend much effort trying to make sense of it.  My goal used to be enlightenment, but now it simply is to end my internal struggle.

“‘Enlightenment’ is just a spiritual concept. It’s just one more thing to seek in a future that never comes.”

-from A Mind at Home with Itself by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell (and quotes below)

I am relieved that there is no goal to attain.  Any goal we imagine for ourselves is simply a way to stay married to the dream of our seeming existence.  The present moment is gone as soon as we notice it.  Goals are equally elusive…gone as soon as they appear to be realized.

“If you’re trying to monitor your progress on your spiritual path—if you think you have any idea how far along you are—you might want to save yourself the trouble.  There’s no attainment, because you already are what you want to become.”

As I am adjusting my mindset to the letting go of not only enlightenment, but all the concepts my mind appears to create, the conflict within me remains fierce.  However, suffering has a purpose.

“Suffering is what creates buddhas.”

Therefore I remain steadfast on my journey towards freedom knowing I have no goal, timeline or ‘right’ thoughts to think.  I only have to let the dream unfold.  If the dream is painful I give thanks.  If the dream is joyful I give thanks.  I give thanks to all and to everything until I don’t even do that.

What remains after that is truth.

 

The In Between

I am a mystic.  Before you get too excited that I carry the answers of the universe within my soul, well, I’m not that kind of mystic.  I’m more the ordinary soccer-mom variety that feels clueless most of the time.

Here’s a definition (courtesy of dictionary.com) I found that most closely represents my experience of being a mystic:

a person who claims to attain, or believes in the possibility of attaining, insight into mysteries transcending ordinary human knowledge, as by direct communication with the divine or immediate intuition …

I never set out to be a mystic.  And if I did, I’d certainly want to be the kind that has their sh*t figured out.  Instead, I’m the kind that perceives weird stuff that no one else does and I have to pretend I don’t for fear of… well, just plain fear.

For example, I see white light emanating from people and/or objects fairly regularly.  Sometimes, solid objects become fluid and wavy when I look at them.  I can intuit people’s moods and feelings often before they can.  The kicker with this is it’s usually the stuff they are trying mightily to avoid so when I speak about it, I appear to be talking about something that is completely irrelevant.  I spend most of my time trying to say the things that people want to hear instead of what they maybe need to hear.  If someone is sick, hurting or physically uncomfortable, I feel it.  Sometimes my body mirrors their pain and sometimes I feel a general sense of unease instead.  If I’m able to name it out loud that sometimes helps.  But it’s weird in certain situations to say, “Your knee hurts, doesn’t it?”  especially when it’s not a topic currently being discussed, so again, back to trying to talk about what is acceptable and not what I’m sensing.

I’ve lived my whole life this way, denying what I know to be true most of the time.

It’s possible all this weird stuff isn’t what sets me apart, but actually may be the path that is leading me to oneness.

So very often we think the ‘weird stuff’ about us is why we remain unloved.  That’s not true.  It’s simply an invitation to really see what is true in front of us.

Am I different?

Maybe.

All I know is that I can’t keep denying what my experiences are and I’ll see where it leads me.

Farther away from here or closer to there?

It’s the in between that makes no sense.

 

Thank You for Making the World so Beautiful

I am having the hardest time writing lately.  There is something going on within me, way below the surface, that is cutting me off from my creative source.   It seems the harder I try to write or ‘get my work out there’, the more it falls flat.  It’s hard to be motivated to write if it feels like no one is really listening.

I am learning that my personal goals include being a writer that ‘matters’.  Life is showing me that personal goals often go unmet.  The chasm that is left behind is the foundation for spiritual goals.

What exactly are spiritual goals?

Letting go of personal ones.

That’s it.  That’s all.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Here is something I wrote with a personal goal of dramatically affecting the lives of many.  Truth is, probably only one or two dear friend will read this.  My husband will, too.  He’s good like that.

If my soul could speak, this is what it would say to you….

I hope you enjoy.

 

The Window to Our Souls:  Creating a Well-Loved Life

 

When we come into this world our hearts are clear. Our personal souls are like pristine windows that are so spotless, they almost are invisible. This is ideal. This is how all our love and light can safely escape into the world. The world thrives on our light. Thus, our purpose is fulfilled simply by expressing what we are…Love.

As we move through the world, something happens to our clear-soul-glass. It starts to crack when our love isn’t recognized by another. When another person is incapable of holding our light, we start to question everything. Is there something wrong with my soul? Why doesn’t this person see how much I love them? Does this mean I am no longer valuable? Am I already broken?

Even if we try to fight it, the cracks are formed. They wrench their way through our sensitive soul-glass. Sometimes, if we get very quiet, we can hear the straining creaks as they cut their way through our heart. To escape the pain of rejection we become so alone in our thoughts the glass has no choice…it shatters.

What is the secret to mending a shattered soul? First, you have to be brave enough to let go of your expectations of others. You can no longer rely on another person to make you whole. This is the scary part. The letting go. It feels like no one will catch you. That’s the idea. No one will. You have to catch yourself.

If you made it this far and let go of your expectations of others, you are ready for the second step. This is the part that is not scary. This is the part that you get to be whoever you want. You do so with reckless abandon because IT NO LONGER MATTERS WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!

YOU determine your worth. YOU determine your value. YOU create a life worthy of all the glorious beauty-love your soul has to offer.

So, what next? You might grab a broom and a dustpan. It makes sense to sweep up your soul parts and see what might begin to form. As you sweep, you might come across some forgotten pieces. Wait a minute! You love to draw? Well then, why don’t you? Remember, there’s no more fear here. You love something, you do it, no questions asked. And, how about that? You think bird watching is divine? Me, too! It’s crazy that so few seem to understand the holy nature of being wholly in nature. See? It’s awesome being you! You get it. You understand you are very close to rocking this life.

By now you may feel excited, uplifted and more than a little bit healed. You look at your amazing configuration of soul parts gathered in a transcendent pile. Since fear no longer lives here, you start grabbing pieces. You have no plan and that’s part of the divinity of it. You are going on faith. Your arms and hands are flying as you begin to lay the pieces down. You work like this a long time. You are so firmly steeped in the joy of the process, you don’t even notice when you are finished.

You step back. It takes a moment for you to acclimate to the giant wonder of what you are seeing. All your forgotten parts take up more space than you could have possibly imagined. Eventually, you have a good vantage point to finally see the whole of it.

Your jaw drops.

Yep, your soul is jaw-dropping.

You have made a filigreed wonder of the richest, deepest, truest stained glass window one could ever create. Your soul is so stunning it almost hurts to look at it. That’s what you’ve been hiding from yourself this whole time!

As your light reawakens and begins to once again spill forth unto the world, it is more sublime than ever. Here’s the best part, the love you give is even deeper, broader and wider now that you understand what it means to have risen up from the ashes. You were never actually broken, you were simply on your way to owning your brilliance.

I’m glad you made it back to yourself. I’m glad you put your soul back together. It makes it easier for me to do the work to make mine whole again, too. You truly are a trailblazer.

Thank you for making the world so beautiful.

Floating

As I was lying on my yoga mat sprawled in the darkness surrounded by strangers, I started to float away.  Not my body of course, but the something else that is me, but isn’t me.  This wasn’t the first time this had happened,

Where do I go exactly?

Wherever it is there aren’t concepts or words. There is great fear and loss associated with these experiences.  However, if I open my mind and push it to its limit of comprehension, I may be more real when I’m gone then when I am on that yoga mat.

This random detaching from myself is why I no longer belong.  I have never belonged.  Chances are, if you are one of the two people reading this, you have experienced your own non-belonging moments.

There is a fissure in my soul that I keep trying to mend with answers.  In some ways, I have found my answers, but I don’t like them.  If I open myself up to the possibility that I am more than a body (and let’s be honest, if I keep floating away from it, I may need to seriously entertain the thought), I find a little freedom there.

The upside is, well, I haven’t found that yet.  The more I open myself to something beyond myself, the more I leave behind.  Whatever illusions I had of ‘finally finding my tribe’ as I embarked on my path are obliterated.  The deeper I go within, the farther I am from the world.

I am willing to find the truth of me.  I am willing to let go of the world to do so.

I am willing.  I am willing.  I am willing.

There is no guarantee that I will get the answers I crave.  Instead, I will get the answers I am ready to receive and find solace in the only place I have for shelter.

So, I continue to go within, float away and pray.