Tag Archive | existence

The Tunnel of Life

In the tunnel of life we are always told to keep facing forward. Our eyes must remain fixed in place at all costs. Even on our most broken days, we must keep marching towards the tunnel’s illuminated endpoint.

The light at the end of the tunnel holds the All of Everything we need to finally be whole. Redemption awaits us there. The banquet tables of celebration are set in anticipation of our arrival.

We are not to question anything. We are not to notice that the light seems to move farther from us with each step. The light is not for the weary of faith. It is for the believers. Believers never question.

Eyes forward, no questions.

Keep marching.

The world and its wisdom shouts at us to keep trudging. Even if we stumble and twist our ankle, we grab some crutches and go.

The light waits for no one.

We march in packs mostly, but today, as exhaustion settles into me, I find myself unable to keep pace. At first, I slow my gait. Eventually, when this does not quell my malaise, I come to a halt.

I am not going to make it to the light.

My hands scrape down the tunnel as I fold my legs into a seat on the floor.

It is cold. It is damp.

It reeks of utter defeat.

I try to comfort myself. I gave it everything I had.

It was not enough.

I begin to accept the quiet possibility that I am not enough. I am not made for this journey. The light is not meant for me.

My heart drops low in my chest. As my senses adjust to the absence of light, a spark at the edge of my despair catches my eye. Fear forces me to avert my gaze.

Yet, it is persistent.

Soon, the all of my sadness is alight with bursting, blinding, brightness. It fills my being, my heart, and my soul. The entire tunnel is shining. I am able to see in all directions. The past, the present, the future.

As I take in this new source of light, I notice for the first time the full magnificence of the tunnel as it is.

Right here, right now.  This moment, this beauty.

It is everything.

Until now, I never considered the tunnel was beauty.  No one ever said the tunnel itself was beautiful.

If I never make it out, I have enough right here to sustain me.  Here I am fed by eternal, untouchable beauty and reminded of my inner light.

The tunnel and I are one.

The tunnel is the light.

Therefore, I am the light.

I am the light.

I have always been the light.

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An Ever-Widening Heart

Freedom from suffering.  This is what we all seek whether we admit it to ourselves or not.  On this seeker’s path we come to know this freedom by accepting life exactly as it finds us.  When we open wide to our inner experience and as the waves of emotion flow through us, all is transformed into Love.

For ourselves, this is a choice.  A way of being.  We decide we want to respond to the world instead of react to it.  Once this understanding takes hold in our hearts, our path is forever altered towards Truth.  We become living, breathing expressions of the is-ness of life.

Through us life becomes pure.

It is not an easy process.  It is not without pain but it holds great and everlasting purpose.

This is how we illuminate the way for those lost in the dark.  We become so intimate with the hidden fear and pain within us, we can look with wholeness at the hidden fear and pain of others.

We cannot prevent turmoil in another. If we could, they would lose the gifts embedded in their journey.  Though these gifts are unseeable in the moment, we trust they are there.  This is because we have walked through our own despair with open eyes and collected deeper heart wisdom.

We are only meant to walk along side the hurting other as a witness.

As Love Itself.

To hand back to them the possibility of growing in Truth, in wisdom and in an ever-widening heart.

Whether by chance or by grief, we all return Home.

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Us

In knowing your Truth, be less concerned with the particulars and turn your awareness inward.  Within each of us is an indescribable something that watches everything and knows All.  When you are connected to this stillness your personal judgments lessen and a steady peace rises.  This peace fills every open space and beyond.

It is up to each and everyone of us to clear the way for this peace to bloom.

Some of us will clear our hearts so completely, we will become unrecognizable except to the few who have done their work.

This work is not for everyone.  This work makes you far removed from personal contexts and attachments.  This work, if done to its full extent, heals everything.  It heals the One so the Many may find their Way.

The workers for peace look like you and me.

In fact, they are you and me.  Some of us Know this and most of us don’t.

For those of Us who Know, we leave behind all we thought we were to become what we actually are.

Free.

 

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Feathers

Strength is not defined by exertion alone.

There is fortitude in the pausing, gaping space around the fear of your experience.

Change is not the answer.

Being present with life as it is holds a unique kind of safety.

Even a plummeting cliff fall becomes Loving if we open our hearts beyond our minds.

The wider the opening, the softer the fall.

Let the wings of compassion catch you and waft you towards healing.

Light as a feather you may recall you are unbreakable.

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The Unfolding of Life

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When a problem arises, we are conditioned to ‘think our way through it’.  If we spend enough time and effort reshaping our life based on what our minds tell us to do, eventually life will submit to our will.

But what if it does not?  What if the harder we try to problem-solve or the deeper we delve into logic, we are still stuck with the exact same life and the exact same conflicts.

Maybe our life is not a problem to be solved.  What if life is simply an unfolding we need to experience without interference?

In its unfolding, we welcome All.

Everything expresses to its fullness.

When this happens, sometimes what we label as ‘ugly’ tumbles into beauty.

Maybe it’s time to let life be.

“We can’t understand the nature of reality until we let go of controlling our experience.”

-True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart (Tara Brach)

 

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The Stream

The girl is thirsty.  She follows everyone to the well.  She watches as each person sends their bucket deep into the darkness.  They retrieve the water they need.

It is never quite enough.

When the girl attempts to gather water for her seeming insatiable thirst, her bucket often comes up empty.

She looks to the others for guidance, for comfort, for some way of knowing that her bucket will be filled beyond measure.

They cannot answer her.  They are too busy trying to keep their own buckets filled.

They are doing their best.

The girl, in her heart, knows there is more to be found.  More water, more love, more safety.

Just more.

Of everything.  Where truth shines and burdens are lifted.

Where enough water flows for everyone.

She leaves the well behind and all the people.  She sets out on her own path.  She sees a hill calling out to be climbed.

She answers with determined steps.

She picks up speed and her effort grows.

Until finally, she reaches the peak.  Her momentum tumbles her down the other side.

She lands and the soft earth catches her.

Then, she sees it.

A beautiful, bubbling stream of clear fresh water.  There is more than enough here for her.  There is enough for everyone.

She rushes back to share this good fortune, but no one believes her.  They like the well water.  They trust it.

No one likes change.

The girl leaves them to their work.  She knows they will find the stream when they are ready.

She makes her way back to the water’s edge.  Love washes over her and fear slips away.

She is safe.

The stream is Everything.

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All of Us

Today is the day I understood that everything was my gift.  All experiences; good, bad, indifferent, were planted in my path so that I may stumble my way to Freedom.

Each sad day, every difficult choice and all the emotions that pierced my heart were reaching out to my soul, beckoning me Home.

While I see the gifts of the All, I go back and forth between worlds.  Still a part of what I knew while growing my awareness of my Freedom State.

Today, I say thank you to every One that seemed to break my heart.

Their pain was a mirror of mine so I could see what I was too afraid to look at.

What a beautiful gift you are to me.  What a beautiful gift you are to the world.

May all beings be free from sorrow.  May all beings find their way Home.  May All of Us know our Path is draped in Love.

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Could BE

We are told life should be a certain way.  If it strays from this expectation we judge it as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.

No one teaches us how to live the life we have been given.  We must learn that for ourselves even if there are things about it that we do not like.  Even if there are things about ourselves we do not like.

We suffer because life is not what we want.  We suffer because we are not what we think we should be.

This suffering layers upon itself and spirals us down the rabbit hole of despair.

First, to begin our healing, we have to recognize our unhappiness.  We have to find the thoughts within our minds that support that life is not as it should be.

This takes time.

This takes courage.

It is hard but you do not have to do anything more than that.  Make space for your judgments against life and yourself.

Given the framework we live in, it would make sense you would have these thoughts of ‘not enough’ or ‘less than’.

How does it feel to watch your judgments and not fight them?

For me, it feels easier.  The suffering these thoughts cause still remains but the resistance to them is diminished.

When we stop fighting what is, what will happen?

This could be the first step towards Love.  This could be the first step towards healing.

This could be the beginning of everything.

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Choices

Every day life presents us with a choice.  But first, we have to acknowledge this choice exists.  This realization could happen in an instant or take years of dismantling our beliefs.

Either way, the choice exists and when we are ready, we must select the one that fits us best.

This is simple but our minds may not be ready to see it as so.

I finally see the choices clearly.  One has me part of the world, fighting each day for peace in my heart.  The other holds the stairs that will transcend me beyond the world.  If I remain in the fight, it will appear I am not alone.  If I choose the stairs, it will appear I am completely alone.

The choices are real, but the assumptions I have about them are false.

The stairs hold True Connection.  The world holds everything else.

Either choice does not fit me.

Both break my heart in different ways.

I am not ready to choose.

I am adrift in my indecision.

All I am ready to do is honor my confusion.

So, I sit at this bend in my spiritual road and rest for a while.

All decisions in the world symbolically reflect exactly where I am.  If you are tired and you are confused, come and rest with me for a while.

We will wait here together.

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Suffering as Grace

There is a difference between pain and suffering.

Pain is a natural result of an emotional or physical injury.  It is contained to a specific act or event.  If pain is left to its own devices, it will run its course and return the injured party to peace.

Suffering happens when we argue with our pain.  When we label pain or judge it harshly, it begins to bleed on to our character, our hopes and our dreams.  We suffer deeply as a result.  Immersed in this complexity, our hearts are cut off from Love.

Pain, though uncomfortable, quickly moves through us.  Pain has a purpose.  Pain will help us return to wholeness.

In contrast, suffering spreads like hot lava until we forget we were ever whole.  The burning edges of it singe every facet of our existence.

There are things our eyes cannot see and our hearts cannot know until will break ourselves free from old ways of thinking.

Sometimes we need to demolish these patterns through suffering.

Take heart for what remains is deliverance.

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