Tag Archive | Being our authentic selves

Thank You for Making the World so Beautiful

I am having the hardest time writing lately.  There is something going on within me, way below the surface, that is cutting me off from my creative source.   It seems the harder I try to write or ‘get my work out there’, the more it falls flat.  It’s hard to be motivated to write if it feels like no one is really listening.

I am learning that my personal goals include being a writer that ‘matters’.  Life is showing me that personal goals often go unmet.  The chasm that is left behind is the foundation for spiritual goals.

What exactly are spiritual goals?

Letting go of personal ones.

That’s it.  That’s all.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Here is something I wrote with a personal goal of dramatically affecting the lives of many.  Truth is, probably only one or two dear friend will read this.  My husband will, too.  He’s good like that.

If my soul could speak, this is what it would say to you….

I hope you enjoy.

 

The Window to Our Souls:  Creating a Well-Loved Life

 

When we come into this world our hearts are clear. Our personal souls are like pristine windows that are so spotless, they almost are invisible. This is ideal. This is how all our love and light can safely escape into the world. The world thrives on our light. Thus, our purpose is fulfilled simply by expressing what we are…Love.

As we move through the world, something happens to our clear-soul-glass. It starts to crack when our love isn’t recognized by another. When another person is incapable of holding our light, we start to question everything. Is there something wrong with my soul? Why doesn’t this person see how much I love them? Does this mean I am no longer valuable? Am I already broken?

Even if we try to fight it, the cracks are formed. They wrench their way through our sensitive soul-glass. Sometimes, if we get very quiet, we can hear the straining creaks as they cut their way through our heart. To escape the pain of rejection we become so alone in our thoughts the glass has no choice…it shatters.

What is the secret to mending a shattered soul? First, you have to be brave enough to let go of your expectations of others. You can no longer rely on another person to make you whole. This is the scary part. The letting go. It feels like no one will catch you. That’s the idea. No one will. You have to catch yourself.

If you made it this far and let go of your expectations of others, you are ready for the second step. This is the part that is not scary. This is the part that you get to be whoever you want. You do so with reckless abandon because IT NO LONGER MATTERS WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!

YOU determine your worth. YOU determine your value. YOU create a life worthy of all the glorious beauty-love your soul has to offer.

So, what next? You might grab a broom and a dustpan. It makes sense to sweep up your soul parts and see what might begin to form. As you sweep, you might come across some forgotten pieces. Wait a minute! You love to draw? Well then, why don’t you? Remember, there’s no more fear here. You love something, you do it, no questions asked. And, how about that? You think bird watching is divine? Me, too! It’s crazy that so few seem to understand the holy nature of being wholly in nature. See? It’s awesome being you! You get it. You understand you are very close to rocking this life.

By now you may feel excited, uplifted and more than a little bit healed. You look at your amazing configuration of soul parts gathered in a transcendent pile. Since fear no longer lives here, you start grabbing pieces. You have no plan and that’s part of the divinity of it. You are going on faith. Your arms and hands are flying as you begin to lay the pieces down. You work like this a long time. You are so firmly steeped in the joy of the process, you don’t even notice when you are finished.

You step back. It takes a moment for you to acclimate to the giant wonder of what you are seeing. All your forgotten parts take up more space than you could have possibly imagined. Eventually, you have a good vantage point to finally see the whole of it.

Your jaw drops.

Yep, your soul is jaw-dropping.

You have made a filigreed wonder of the richest, deepest, truest stained glass window one could ever create. Your soul is so stunning it almost hurts to look at it. That’s what you’ve been hiding from yourself this whole time!

As your light reawakens and begins to once again spill forth unto the world, it is more sublime than ever. Here’s the best part, the love you give is even deeper, broader and wider now that you understand what it means to have risen up from the ashes. You were never actually broken, you were simply on your way to owning your brilliance.

I’m glad you made it back to yourself. I’m glad you put your soul back together. It makes it easier for me to do the work to make mine whole again, too. You truly are a trailblazer.

Thank you for making the world so beautiful.

Take Me to the River

I was strolling by myself in the woods one day when I happened upon a river.  Since I felt uncomfortably alone in the spot where I stood, I made my way out into the open air towards the gushing water.  The constancy and surging strength of the current comforted me.  It made me feel less alone.

You see my journey thus far had been harrowing.  It had felt like the faster I walked through the forest, the less progress I made.  It made no sense.  I made no sense.

But here, right next to this bubbling cadence of soul-cleansing water, I stopped my journey completely.

It was time to change my plan of action.  The new action plan required that I stop taking any action.

I only needed to be still.

The banks were rocky and appeared to be jutting and jagged in a way that was anything but inviting.  Since I could no longer take action, I was forced to sit. Once I sat down I noticed that the rocks were actually quite smooth.  They felt good against my crossed-legs and backside.  Given I was no longer making progress, I was happy that at least I was comfortable.

I sat in stillness for a long while.

The river called to me.

How does a river call you may wonder?  Not by words but by example.  A river is a river.  It never once in the whole dawn of its existence was anything other than a river.  That’s not to say it didn’t evolve over time. Sometimes it was massive in its force, other times it was slow and meandering. Still, it was always a river.

The river’s call was my invitation.  It was inviting me to join in its authenticity.

I liked that idea very much but I was afraid.

While I had been sitting in stillness, a crowd of people had gathered behind me on the banks of the river. These were the people I had been trying to find this whole time!  My journey was over…or so it seemed.

Somehow, the pull of the river was more powerful than belonging.

I made a choice.

I chose the river and simply waved goodbye to all the people I had so desperately wanted to see.

Of course I still wanted to be with the people.  That’s where it’s at, right?  We are taught other people are the ticket to loving ourselves.  It’s through their acceptance that we are able to have the courage to love ourselves.

But, I didn’t see it quite that way anymore.  Maybe the wisdom of the river was on to something.  Maybe if I could at least stick my toes in the water, I would no longer care about fitting in with anyone or anywhere.  I would let the strength of the river sustain me.

I knew this would be enough.

I quickly slipped off my hiking boots and peeled off my socks.  I admit there was still fear within my soul as I endeavored to place my toes into that rushing surface.  What if it’s too cold?  What if who-I-really-am is not enough?

I did it anyway.

Turns out, the river was everything I never knew I needed and more.  Turns out, I was already everything I never knew I needed and more.  The river and I were one.

I was emboldened by the joy that flowed through my body simply by connecting with this powerful source of authentic love.

I submerged both my feet.

I may have been alone but I felt more alive than ever before.

I was free.

I knew from that point on I was going to do whatever it took to express whatever was in my heart exactly in the moment that it would arise.  The approval of others and the search for belonging were over.

I was home.

As I continued to bask in the river’s love, something caught my attention.  Out of the corner of my eye I noticed another brave soul had joined me.  They said, “Seeing you in the river has given me the courage to put my toes in, too.  Are you sure it’s safe?”

I replied, “It’s 100% safe.  You are going to be your truest self when you are in the river.  It is the most sustained joy you can experience while being on earth.”

I could tell this was extremely tempting to them.  They asked more questions.  “But what if my friends and family don’t understand my truest self?  What if they leave me?”

In their eyes was the same fear I had experienced a few short moments before.  Instead of comforting them, I gave the truth.  “Your friends and family may not understand your truest self.  They may make fun of you, say hurtful things or when all is said and done, they may walk right out of your life forever.”

At hearing this, the near river adventurer became frozen with doubt.

Even though I knew they did not want to hear more of the truth, I continued. “I didn’t tell you that to stop you in any way.  All I can offer you is my example.  Here I am.  I am standing with both my feet fully submerged in the river.  I am free here.  I would love to have my family and friends join me, but now I know without hesitation that it’s okay if they don’t.  I have a feeling the ones that matter the most to me are going to honor my river journey.  In fact, the bravest ones may even join me.  All I can do is be me, be free and let them be.”

With that, I took my first giant step towards the other side of the river bank.

I didn’t look back.

Not even once.

Leave the Rest

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The road to Truth is different for everyone.  For me, I have been on a search to make sense of the Truth that has crept into my awareness for years and years.  I was mostly able to write it off for a good chunk of my life, but then it got too loud and I set out on my quest for answers.  I used to write a lot of poetry.  Somehow the prose reflected back to me a self I could slightly recognize.  I read a lot in my search for my answers and I still do.  The spiritual text that has resonated most profoundly for me is A Course in Miracles.  Still, there are aspects of it that seem very specific to the woman who transcribed it.  So, I take what works for me and I leave the rest.

This should be the mantra of all spiritual seekers.

Take what works for you and leave the rest.

How are we all searching for exactly the same thing and there are infinite ways to get there?  Wouldn’t it make sense if there was only one path that led to Truth?

We are all different.  Therefore, all of our paths will be different.

Different has nothing to do with being wrong or right, it only has to do with being different.

If you leave judgment behind, which would be ideal, different isn’t bad or scary.  Different is just different.

Sometimes when we are extremely scared or confused we mistake others and their  differing beliefs to be at the root of our fear.

This is not so.  At least not in my experience.  I am completely freaking out because my awareness of the world has turned upside down not because someone else believes differently than I do.  If someone is content on their path this does not repel me, it draws me to them.  What is it that they know that brings them peace?  I want that.  Please share.  At the end of the day I’ll take what works for me and I’ll leave the rest.

“You must find your own way to your own truth.  For before each and every one of you lies your pathway, a doorway, an eye of the needle, through which only you can fit.”

The Way of Mastery p. 42

Shanti Christo Foundation

The Holiest of Moments


Every moment of your life is Holy.  If used for Truth, each moment contains direction Home.  Even a seemingly mundane interaction can hold a wealth of knowledge about where you are on your path.

Are you anxious?  Are you relaxed?  Are you kind?  Are you cranky?

When a moment angrily pushes us towards our quiet center, then we know we have struck gold.

The moments that unfurl seamlessly with love are also showing us the way.  These moments mean we are aligning our compass with Truth.

I am learning the moments that are my darkest are truly a treasure trove of Light.  How else would I realize that I’m holding so much judgment in my heart?  I wouldn’t.  I would keep on my merry way.  I would continue to erroneously believe the whole world except me was responsible for how awful I feel sometimes.  It never is about the other person, situation, or circumstance.  It’s only me and what I bring to it.  Am I bringing fear?  Then I have unexamined fear in my heart.  Am I bringing negative judgment?  Then I have a pit of despair in my soul that I have yet to dissect.

The bad moments are sometime our most glorious.

Are you up for looking within?

Most days I’m not.  The world has other ideas.  It is on a continuous loop of good and bad.

The key to growth is to graciously acknowledge with a loving heart what you judge as good, and to question unabashedly anything you deem as bad.  Good means the personal self is aligning with the Holy Self.  This is preparing you for your eventual realization that you are always Home.  Bad means that you have distorted stories of separation from Source stockpiled within your soul.  Looking directly at these stories is hard work.  It is soul-crushing sometimes.  But that’s the point.  Your soul has to be crushed before it can reconfigure to permanent alignment with Source.

One moment, one day, one story at a time.

All of it Holy.

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The Suppression of Joy

A huge part of a spiritual awakening process, is aligning with your personality’s authenticity.  While the eventual goal is to detach from the personal, while you are still in the process, you have to honor the Truth of your personal self.  What this does is signal to your Mind that you are opening to the Higher Self within.  Being your Truest tiny self is the gateway to your Holy Self.

As I hone my authenticity, I realize that more often than not, I hide from others.  I am afraid to be this authentic self when I have an audience.  I am too worried that I will make others uncomfortable or wind up in an awkward situtaion.

I am a deeply feeling person.  I am introverted, intuitive, observant and empathic.  I want to talk about the circumstances of my life that appear to be causing my internal stress (they are not).  I want to chip away at my personal story to find the roots of my discomfort.  I want to cry.  I want to crack jokes.  I want to be free.

There are so many times throughout my day that I am stalled in a conversation that feels so untrue that I feel like pulling my hair out.  It seems like we are talking about something that is causing distress, but it feels off.

I have connected to the space between thoughts enough to know that we are never upset for the reason we think we are.  The only source of our discomfort is that we believe we are separate from God.

We never left God.

God never left us.

It’s heartbreaking when we believe we are separate and alone.  Thinking we have to conquer an impossible world by ourselves is hard. That’s a terrible story to live over and over.

I want to talk about it.  I have almost convinced myself that I need to talk about it with others.  I need to have my viewpoint validated to assure me I am on my way to spiritual freedom.

This is no more true than thinking I am separate from God.

No one is holding me back from authenticity.

Only I can do that to myself.

My joy and Truth are not suppressed.

I promise to give my best to each day, to be authentic as much as I’m able and learn the lesson that only I can lead me to where I need to go.

Where will you go today?

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The Basket of Bread

A spiritual seeker is often the least popular person in the room. Being that a seeker is often highly perceptive, they know this and silence their Truth. That is why they are lonely in a crowd. They do their best to fit in when in fact, they only widen the divide of belonging by staying quiet.

It never pays to be less than Who-We-Are. Our choice as a seeker is simple. Choose your Truth or choose belonging.

Seekers must learn that belonging is the illusion. Only Truth is real.

For a long time a seeker will be alone, stuck in the need to connect with the world. It seems easier to play along, keep quiet and at least be invited into the room.

Eventually, the seeker loses strength, loses patience, loses hope.

Why is it that we seekers must wait to lose all hope before we journey back to Truth? I’m sad for the lost seekers. I’m also joyful that they are finally on their way Home.

Every day I am stepping out of the crowded room and speaking my Heart.  No one exactly knows what I’m talking about. No one actually gets what I’m trying to say. I’m not quite ready to give up on belonging for good, but I know I will let go of it eventually. It will fall away and I will once again be comfortable in any room, even if it’s crowded, vacant or won’t willingly open its doors for me.  It will not matter.  The rooms, the people, me…none of it matters.

Everything that does matter is within me. I have all the belonging I could every dream of multiplied by a thousand.  So do you.

Oh, my Dear Friend! You aren’t lost.

You are finally found.

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