Tag Archive | beauty

The Tunnel of Life

In the tunnel of life we are always told to keep facing forward. Our eyes must remain fixed in place at all costs. Even on our most broken days, we must keep marching towards the tunnel’s illuminated endpoint.

The light at the end of the tunnel holds the All of Everything we need to finally be whole. Redemption awaits us there. The banquet tables of celebration are set in anticipation of our arrival.

We are not to question anything. We are not to notice that the light seems to move farther from us with each step. The light is not for the weary of faith. It is for the believers. Believers never question.

Eyes forward, no questions.

Keep marching.

The world and its wisdom shouts at us to keep trudging. Even if we stumble and twist our ankle, we grab some crutches and go.

The light waits for no one.

We march in packs mostly, but today, as exhaustion settles into me, I find myself unable to keep pace. At first, I slow my gait. Eventually, when this does not quell my malaise, I come to a halt.

I am not going to make it to the light.

My hands scrape down the tunnel as I fold my legs into a seat on the floor.

It is cold. It is damp.

It reeks of utter defeat.

I try to comfort myself. I gave it everything I had.

It was not enough.

I begin to accept the quiet possibility that I am not enough. I am not made for this journey. The light is not meant for me.

My heart drops low in my chest. As my senses adjust to the absence of light, a spark at the edge of my despair catches my eye. Fear forces me to avert my gaze.

Yet, it is persistent.

Soon, the all of my sadness is alight with bursting, blinding, brightness. It fills my being, my heart, and my soul. The entire tunnel is shining. I am able to see in all directions. The past, the present, the future.

As I take in this new source of light, I notice for the first time the full magnificence of the tunnel as it is.

Right here, right now.  This moment, this beauty.

It is everything.

Until now, I never considered the tunnel was beauty.  No one ever said the tunnel itself was beautiful.

If I never make it out, I have enough right here to sustain me.  Here I am fed by eternal, untouchable beauty and reminded of my inner light.

The tunnel and I are one.

The tunnel is the light.

Therefore, I am the light.

I am the light.

I have always been the light.

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Thy Name is Love

Sometimes what is broken must remain so, but only for a little while.

We cannot make the pain of heartbreak leave us before it has transformed what needed mending. We may walk blindly through life for years not knowing we are holding onto beliefs that do not serve or heartache too painful to process.

For years.

The courage to face what is broken comes to us over time.  As we live through the ups and downs of life, our inner resources grow and our faith that life is in our favor expands.

So that pain you have been carrying, as it it surfaces, even though it feels like the world may be ending, is sending you a message.

This pain is your beauty.  It is where all that is True and Loving exist for you.  You are shedding beliefs that are hurtful.  Learn to sit with your heartbreak and let it tell its tale.  Let it rage at the unfairness of it all.  Let it mourn the relationships that are not meant to be.  Let it break itself apart until it is a glittering, jagged mess of edges and shards.  Until it is no longer recognizable.  Until you realize that you can rename it.

And that name is Love.

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Ignited

I lived and breathed fire.

It surrounded me.

Flames raged at uncertain intervals.  I never knew what the day held for me except for fear.

Every morning I would open my door with care and test the outside temperature.  Most days were cool, some days balmy and the worst days scorched at my soul.

I greeted this uncertainty by becoming my version of invisible.  Whatever beauty I held began to fade away.

The layers of soot and ash had cloaked my authenticity until even years and distance could not deny what I had lived. Until I could no longer deny living meant more than surviving.  It meant facing the fire in its entirety.  It meant walking through walls of flames for days and days.

I flailed through the heat and the hurt with everything I had.  Pain pounded at me from every angle.  I fell to the earth, folded myself over and waited for as long as it took.

Time blurred as the flames roared over me.

I did not recoil as I had no fight left in me.

If this was my ending, I had made my peace.

Through my pain I held onto this peace as it was always a notch beneath the fire that consumed me.  As I focused on it and not on my pain, the raging fire faded from view.

My heart glowed for the first time, lit from Within.

Quiet in its power the only burn remaining was Truth.

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Truth Collector

I am a truth collector.

A feather here, a shiny pebble there.

Gathering together words and phrases that most resemble wisdom.

My purpose is singular in this world.  Find anything that embodies truth and become that.

How do I know if something is True?

First of all, asking a question is a fine place to start but it makes no impact on Knowing.

Truth is felt.

It is anything that allows us to feel the enormity of who-we-are.  It can come to us in any form.  Sometimes it seems to appear as darkness, but with patience and practice, this becomes light, too.

The truer we are, the brighter the world becomes.

Until we burst forth with Love and all that remains is healing.

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Small Moments

As you come to embody your personal experience more fully, you will begin to notice life in a new way.  Living in Presence affords you the beauty of seeing Love’s abundance surrounding you.

Small moments become deeply moving as your heart awakens.

With all this noticing of Beauty, you come to know other truths about yourself.  You may find searing judgments and criticism below the surface of your life.  In fact, you may be shocked at how harshly you speak to yourself.

Therefore, as mindfulness breathes awareness through your experience, you have to fill your emotional stores replete with forgiveness.

Yet, as you grow your heart in its most Loving direction, you will become more adept at handling the hurtful stories you tell yourself.

Space begins to form around difficulty.  From this opening, healing may enter and wisdom may rise to your consciousness.

The greatest salve of humanity is forgiveness.  Forgiveness of the world, forgiveness of ourselves and forgiveness of each other.

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The Unfolding of Life

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When a problem arises, we are conditioned to ‘think our way through it’.  If we spend enough time and effort reshaping our life based on what our minds tell us to do, eventually life will submit to our will.

But what if it does not?  What if the harder we try to problem-solve or the deeper we delve into logic, we are still stuck with the exact same life and the exact same conflicts.

Maybe our life is not a problem to be solved.  What if life is simply an unfolding we need to experience without interference?

In its unfolding, we welcome All.

Everything expresses to its fullness.

When this happens, sometimes what we label as ‘ugly’ tumbles into beauty.

Maybe it’s time to let life be.

“We can’t understand the nature of reality until we let go of controlling our experience.”

-True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart (Tara Brach)

 

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The Wave of Realization

 

As a self in this unpredictable world the suffering experienced by this mind was intense.  The combination of enduring great loss, experiencing constant uncertainty and never quite belonging, broke this mind through the illusory nature of life.

For many months and years, this mind has been in a vice-grip of contradiction.  Stuck in-between, believing in the world and at other times peacefully transcending it.

This mind lives two separate experiences.

I am gradually starting to prefer my Freedom-state.  You might imagine this is the easy choice.  For some it is.  It is sudden, whole and permanent.  This mind’s process is slower, but seems to be picking up momentum.

If you have started on the path and it hurts, I understand.  We may never reach full realization, but even the tiniest glow of Truth is worth it.

You may still suffer, as I do, but it begins to matter less because Beauty grows louder with each breath.  Until it becomes so loud it is all our souls can hear.

This Knowing will sustain us.

Quote On Enlightenment A Bundle Of Joy And Peace 21 Inspiring Quotations From Thich Nhat

 

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