Tag Archive | Awakening

Standing in the Ordinary

Even though I experience Truth easily and often, I still struggle to grasp that I am awakening.  There are not a lot of ‘regular’ people talking about their Knowing of Truth.

Yet, here I am.  Standing on the cusp of enlightenment with barely a roadmap to lead the way.

I am making it up as I go.

There is a great vacillation that occurs on this path.  This is also rarely identified or discussed.  Either you are awake or you are not.

But, what if I am awake some days and not the others?

This leads to pain and confusion.  Why are there days of complete peace and days of complete suffering?

It is a process.

It is okay to get it ‘wrong’ some days and not have all the answers.

Be thankful for the ‘regular’ parts of your ‘regular’ life.  They are the glue that is holding your sense of self together until it is safe to shed your identity completely.

“In today’s society, most of us having these realizations are not living in monasteries; we are not in a particularly supportive environment.  In fact, in our society it is possible to have an amazing realization on Saturday and be back in the office Monday morning.”

-Adyashanti

‘The End of Your World’

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Dismantled Illusion

I often wondered why the spiritual path was so painful for me.  Starting out, I thought it would relieve suffering, but initially, and for a years’ long stretch of time, it made my suffering worse.

Why was that?

When I first stumbled into Oneness, I felt the Peace that lived there.  It enveloped my soul and my inner turmoil diminished to a great degree.  I thought I could live from this experience permanently.

It did not work that way.

Instead, I was dropped back into my separate experience.  It was more painful than ever because I had experienced Truth.  I had pulled back the veil of illusion and I could not take away this Knowing.

Trying to live as a separate, small self seemed wrong somehow.

“In fact, it is much more painful to act in a way that we know is not true once we’ve seen that it is not true.”

-Adyashanti 

‘The End of Your World’

Now that I am farther on the path, it is still painful attempting to live as separate, but I do not mind it as much as I did before.  Now, I allow the small self to have her experiences, her judgments and her fears.  Beyond this allowing is Truth always humming in the background.

I am less concerned how far this small self will go on her path of awakening.  Therefore, I am kinder to her and this is an easier way to exist as a separate self.

Truth is whole, it encompasses all.  It leaves no stone unturned or dark corner unlit.

I have done my part, Truth will undo the rest.

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Awakening in Stages

As humans, we arrive in our experience believing we are separate from our Source and from each other.  Some remember in an instant and are fully immersed in a sustained Truth that is unshakeable.  For the remainder of us on the path of awakening, remembering our True State comes to us in stages.

The first stage is an undoing of the illusory constructs of our personal identity.  This is where an internal shift begins and will not be stopped until our egos are completely undone.  Once you step beyond the small self, you can never fully return to it.

Then, in the second stage, you are caught in the uncertainty of not knowing what is real and what is not.  This can last for weeks, years, decades or sometimes a lifetime.  Give yourself compassion if this is where you are.  This is the most painful part of Remembering.  I have lived it.  It almost broke me apart into a million pieces.  Looking back I understand breaking down to near extinction was the point.  My identity had to be stripped away to nothing so I could experience Truth.

I am now entering the third phase of Remembering.  I am still a small self but I am no longer afraid of Truth.  Each day I am more and more willing to turn inward to the astounding Beauty within me.  I have less fear.  I have more peace.  The small self is healing in ways big and small.

When I am immersed in this Peace, I know Love like the back of my hand.  It holds me, it heals me, it sets me free.

I have only begun the real work of Awakening.  My purpose is to keep Remembering as much as I am able and share this Knowing with anyone who is ready to listen.

When it is time for you to listen, you will Know.

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She Is the Sky

Through a lifetime, the person I believed I was walked through the world alone.  There was something about her that did not belong.  It was as if a wall of thick ice surrounded her.

This chill kept others away.

She became a great pretender.  She had many stretches where she used her intuitive empathy to emulate those around her.  She could suspend herself in this false belonging, but only for short bursts.

When these illusions crumbled, she was once again left with that cold block of soul she lugged around.  She carried it to many corners of the world hoping belonging would find her there.

After years of listless wandering, the cold began to overtake her.  No matter what she did to warm herself, her heart remained frozen until one day it shattered completely.

She stood in the middle of the craggy shards of who-she-used-to-be and believed she was lost forever.

Years went by and she remained lost.

Years.

Without her knowledge, a drastic change had occurred.  While she still always felt cold and continued to repel others, it did not matter as much to her.

Along the way, because life had broken her so much, she had given up the pretending.  This meant more illusions of belonging had to fall away from her life, but what remained was solid and true.

As she let go of wanting to be loved by many, she also began to let go of the solid and true few that loved her as she was.

To her relief, they stayed close.

Every day she celebrates the love that shows up to find her.

Every day she works to release her expectations of what that love should look like.  Not surprisingly, she always has enough.

She always had enough, but she could not see it.  Not while she focused on belonging where she did not.

Where she stands now, she is everything all at once.

She is fire and ice.  She is light and dark.

She is the sky.

She is hope.

She is no one.

She is all of us.

She is You.

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Points of Light

There will be points of light on your path.

Try your best to stop counting them and wishing for more.

Be grateful for the ones you have, for they are more than enough to light your way Home.

Each small self has a history, present and future.  While these look different from the outside, they are exactly the same on the inside.

Your path may have taken you to heartbreak.  You may have lost your way and then found it again.

You may be surrounded by friends and family cheering you forward.

You may have to walk alone.

When we stop asking why the self’s story looks the way it does, we shift towards a new understanding.

All is perfection.

There is nothing more to want.  There is nothing more to need.

There is only the sweet, pure path to Love and Truth.

It has no history.

It has no future.

It is now.

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Love Is Waiting

An ordinary encounter can save you if your heart is open to it.  The holiness of your heart will know its own safety reflected here.

Every heartbeat an opportunity to transcend the petty hurts and condemnations thrown upon ourselves and others.

If only you could know your beauty as I know it.  Your heart would wade into a shallow pool of wholeness where love is waiting.  This love would heal every broken dream, every crushing fear and every judgement you wear that strains your hurting heart.

All of this pain will lessen as you grown in love.

We can learn to walk side by side.  We will soon remember that our pain is separate from the truth of who-we-are.  With time, we will learn to love our pain for it lead us here.

To each other.

Where all is healed and love becomes the fabric and future of our memories.

Stop trying to heal your pain.

Let your pain heal you.

Love

 

The Pause (Part II)

Pause.

Breathe.

Repeat.

Where does the pause live within you?

Within is the only place it exists.

Sometimes, our outside world aligns with the vastness of the pause.

Your heart must be open to receive it.

A good place to start is in nature, or spending time around or near animals.

Anything that allows you to lose your place in the story of time lets the pause reveal its wisdom to you.

Sipping hot tea.

Birdsong.

A leaf fluttering from a tree.

Prayer.

Silence.

Joining minds with another who has lost their place in time.

Poetry.

Sunsets.

Waves that crash on the shore with fortitude and certainty.

The sky.

Meditation.

Holding a loved one’s hand while seeing their True Beauty.

Reading these words.

 

We will hold the pause together.

The Pause Part 2