I often wondered why the spiritual path was so painful for me. Starting out, I thought it would relieve suffering, but initially, and for a years’ long stretch of time, it made my suffering worse.
Why was that?
When I first stumbled into Oneness, I felt the Peace that lived there. It enveloped my soul and my inner turmoil diminished to a great degree. I thought I could live from this experience permanently.
It did not work that way.
Instead, I was dropped back into my separate experience. It was more painful than ever because I had experienced Truth. I had pulled back the veil of illusion and I could not take away this Knowing.
Trying to live as a separate, small self seemed wrong somehow.
“In fact, it is much more painful to act in a way that we know is not true once we’ve seen that it is not true.”
‘The End of Your World’
Now that I am farther on the path, it is still painful attempting to live as separate, but I do not mind it as much as I did before. Now, I allow the small self to have her experiences, her judgments and her fears. Beyond this allowing is Truth always humming in the background.
I am less concerned how far this small self will go on her path of awakening. Therefore, I am kinder to her and this is an easier way to exist as a separate self.
Truth is whole, it encompasses all. It leaves no stone unturned or dark corner unlit.
I have done my part, Truth will undo the rest.