Tag Archive | A Course in Miracles

Found and Delivered

I am a feather

I land softly in a field


Disconnected from the wing of belonging, where aligned in a row I found purpose


I forged flight with my counterparts

Each of us lifting to the heights of success


Here, now,


I notice


The sky


The blue expanse of it


I could never see it as I fluttered to do my part

My purpose became my prison

Locked in a flight I did not belong to


The next sharp wind catches me


I am carried away


The sky remains,



Resting into this star-dusted breath of air,

My courage is found and delivered



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All Our Ways

In our rush to fix what is broken, we often exert tremendous efforts towards mending ourselves.  We read every book, download every class, meditate with the masters, and seek answers for the empty questions walled within our hearts.  All this effort may offer us temporary comfort and a flash of clarity, but it rarely holds steady.

Maybe it isn’t our brokenness that needs mending but how we view our brokenness.

For every healing measure we undertake in our lives signals our soul that we are damaged.  Over and over, again and again, our continuous seeking mires us deeper in the quicksand of not being enough exactly as we are.

You are not broken.

You are Love.

Let your soul hear that.  Even through the pain and all the wrong turns of life, you are Love.

Brokenness does not determine worth.  Brokenness helps reveal the truth when we have covered and forgotten it.

We are Beauty in motion, Light in full-force and Perfect in all our ways.


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Leave the Rest


The road to Truth is different for everyone.  For me, I have been on a search to make sense of the Truth that has crept into my awareness for years and years.  I was mostly able to write it off for a good chunk of my life, but then it got too loud and I set out on my quest for answers.  I used to write a lot of poetry.  Somehow the prose reflected back to me a self I could slightly recognize.  I read a lot in my search for my answers and I still do.  The spiritual text that has resonated most profoundly for me is A Course in Miracles.  Still, there are aspects of it that seem very specific to the woman who transcribed it.  So, I take what works for me and I leave the rest.

This should be the mantra of all spiritual seekers.

Take what works for you and leave the rest.

How are we all searching for exactly the same thing and there are infinite ways to get there?  Wouldn’t it make sense if there was only one path that led to Truth?

We are all different.  Therefore, all of our paths will be different.

Different has nothing to do with being wrong or right, it only has to do with being different.

If you leave judgment behind, which would be ideal, different isn’t bad or scary.  Different is just different.

Sometimes when we are extremely scared or confused we mistake others and their  differing beliefs to be at the root of our fear.

This is not so.  At least not in my experience.  I am completely freaking out because my awareness of the world has turned upside down not because someone else believes differently than I do.  If someone is content on their path this does not repel me, it draws me to them.  What is it that they know that brings them peace?  I want that.  Please share.  At the end of the day I’ll take what works for me and I’ll leave the rest.

“You must find your own way to your own truth.  For before each and every one of you lies your pathway, a doorway, an eye of the needle, through which only you can fit.”

The Way of Mastery p. 42

Shanti Christo Foundation

What If Pain Was Your Gift?

Nothing bad has ever happened to me.  Nothing bad will ever happen to me.

Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the Peace of God.”

-A Course In Miracles Introduction

This concept seems so simple but it is so hard to accept.

As a personal self we have so many bad things that happen.  We have endless future fears running a loop in our mind.  There is so much fear.  Peace seems impossible.

There is something within me that is driving me with such force, that I often only feel like I am along for the ride.  I will someday fully accept that nothing bad has ever happened to me and that nothing bad will ever happen to me.  It could be tomorrow, it could be next year or it could be decades in the making.  I’m not in charge of the timeline. I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that out loud.  I need to be reminded that I don’t have to try so very hard all day long, every day of my life.  I’ll get there regardless.  I still have to be willing and the force within me keeps that willingness alive, but I don’t have to make something happen that is not yet ready to unfold for me.

What are you trying to make happen?


Maybe there’s important wisdom to be gleaned from exactly where we are at.  Even if where we are is painful.  Maybe the answer is within the pain.  Maybe if I step back and breathe and let the pain be, maybe peace will come.  I’m starting to realize that I’ve been labeling my struggle all wrong.  Struggle is not the problem.  Trying to micromanage the struggle only deepens and prolongs the pain.

What if pain is my gift?


God’s Heartbeat

If I allow my thoughts to fall away, I can hear the heartbeat of God.

As God’s heartbeat speaks to me all the time, I mostly try to ignore it so I can fit into the world.  This takes a lot of work this ignoring of God’s heartbeat.  If I drop my fear and judgment either by choice or on accident, I connect to the Love within the heartbeat.  I’m not very good at staying there.  It’s a much different experience than being in the world.  While it is timeless, loving and peaceful, there isn’t anything there that a tiny self can understand.  Eventually, my tiny self gets uncomfortable in this vacuum of peace and returns to the world.  Each time I leave Love and return to the world, the harder it is to be in the world.  This is because now I know the world is no longer true.  Only Love is true.

The world is in constant change.  Nothing ever remains static.  There are ups and downs and twists and turns.  Something that changes constantly is not true.

God’s heartbeat is constant, eternal and never changes.  It is always true.

The choice is up to me, do I keep denying God’s heartbeat and lose myself in the turbulent, unpredictable story of the tiny self, or do choose the comforting constancy of Love?

Right now, choosing Love still seems too hard.  Why choose Love if I’m the only one who is there within the vacuum not able to understand it?  My tiny self is still afraid of its power.

For now, I go back and forth between these experiences.

I am Love, then I am not.





Everything is Love

We hold the Truth within our Minds.  Truth is Love.  It is the Light of God.  It is in us, around us and throughout.  It is everything.  It is the only thing.

I am aware of Truth.

Anyone can be aware of Truth.  You don’t have to be special.  You do have to be courageous.  You have to be willing to question everything you believe and were taught.  This part is not fun.

How do you know if you are open to Truth?

Ask yourself a simple question:

Do I believe I am more than a body?

I know I am more than a body.  I sense it within me all the time.  I feel the energy of our collective Oneness at all times.  It buzzes through me and overwhelms me.

No one else around me seems to feel this Oneness.  Everyone seems fully immersed in the framework that we are all individual selves.

This makes no sense to me.

We are One.

We are Truth.

What does Truth feel like?

It’s as if all the air and noise are sucked out of a room and all that remains is Total Peace and Love.  It’s the loudest silence I’ve ever known.  When I allow myself to break through my need for conformity and belief in external belonging and fulfillment, I am Whole.

There is no lack.  There is no fear.  There is only Love.

The best way to find the Truth in your individual story is to look at the places you feel the most love.  Some good places to start are a parent/child relationship, immersing yourself in the quiet of nature or any time you feel joy or wonder in your life.

Real Love is trying get our attention all the time.

Here’s the tricky part, since Love is trying to find us at all times and in all circumstances, it uses everything in our life to awaken us.  This means even heartbreak and tragedy are a call for Love.

There have been times when my heart has been so broken, that my suffering was so great, it pushed me to the edge and I have fallen into Oneness.  These have been the moments when my individual self gave way to Total Love.

“It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful.”

-A Course in Miracles


While these moments were often fleeting, they also clearly showed me that I am more than this life.

I am more than this body.

So are you.






The Wall of Surrender

When we begin our journey to uncover the Truth of Who-We-Really-Are, it’s usually because who we believed we were is imploding.  Our life is so off course that we no longer recognize it or ourselves.  We look around us and see despair.  Once hope has left us we finally make the decision for Truth.  Our tiny selves believe we can fix what is broken in our lives by finding God.  God will have the answers we need.  God will make everything beautiful again.

Only God isn’t about the world.  I repeat, God isn’t about changing the world.  God is about changing your perceptions of what shows up in your world.  God is about Love.  It’s a strange realization that seeking God doesn’t change your life.  At first, this is about the worst news an already suffering tiny self could hear.  Are you kidding me?  I searched and I prayed and I followed and I read and I meditated and I opened my heart and NOTHING CHANGES?  Why am I working my ass off trying to find God when it DOESN’T EVEN MATTER!?!?!

Seeking for God will break your heart.  You remember all those unanswered prayers?  All those times you prayed for guidance and all you heard in return was the sound of nothingness?  Look around you, how much injustice do you see right now?  How much injustice have you already lived through?  Does it seem crazy to you that God would create a world that is so cruel and unfair?

At some point if you get so deep into seeking, you will hit a wall so massive that you will have to stop.  You are going to be destroyed by this and angrier than you’ve ever been in your entire life.  You will stop trying to move this immovable wall and you will drop to your knees.  You may even weep or curse or try to kick the wall a few more half-hearted times.  As tiny selves, we can be extremely slow on the uptake.

Eventually, you will fall back and collapse.  You will be under the impression that you have given up.  You will believe that all hope is lost and that there is no reason to keep going.

This is what surrender looks like.  Believe me I know, there is a fine line between giving up and surrender.  Sometimes we have to give up in order to surrender.  We are that stubborn.

I gave up a while ago.  I hate that stupid wall.  Maybe I surrendered because I learned nothing I do as a tiny self changes anything.  I’m still lost and afraid.  How much more can one person pray?  How much more can one person do?

Apparently nothing.

Nothing is the only thing left to do.

I guess that means it’s in God’s Hands now.  He’s in control by default.

Show me what you’ve got.


I’m going to let you in on a little secret, not to be confused with The Secret, but rather A secret.

The path to enlightenment is miserable.

How is this possible you may wonder?  Isn’t finding our Truth a beauty-filled path full of peace, joy and transcendence?

Not really.

The end goal is pure amazement, of this I have no doubt.  I catch glimpses of it and it is the most Love I have ever experienced.  This Love is only a breath away for all of us.  It is constant, close and eternal.  It is Truth because it doesn’t judge, shift or change.  It just is.

These experiences are where I want to live.  This is where I want all of my worldly actions to extend from.  This is what I want for you.  This is what I want for all of us.

Every time I am Love, I always have to come back to earth so to speak.  I then see what I have valued is in fact valueless, and what I have loved isn’t true.

Once you have opened your Mind to Truth, you cannot unlearn the vastness of Love you have witnessed.  Nothing on earth compares to it.  The value system of the world no longer makes sense.  A part of you has always known that something is ‘off’ in the world.  This is the part of you that seeks and shifts and changes in hopes to somehow make the world True.  This is the part that keeps the Mind from resting.  In rest we are only left with Truth.

As a tiny self it is impossible to comprehend the magnitude of Truth.  Our tiny selves do all we can to meld the world of fear with that of Truth.  Attempting to bring the two together causes immense pain and suffering.  It is incredibly painful to learn that everything you thought was true is not.

Eventually, or so I’ve been told, this pain and suffering will give way.  A shift in our perception will happen and we will naturally fall back into our orignal and permanent state of Love.  The body’s eyes will still look upon the world while our unbreakable Spirit will cease judgment of these sights.  Love will be all there is left to perceive.  Only Love is valuable.  Only Love is True.

You are naturally Whole and Perfect.

You are Love.

That is the only Truth worth searching for.


The Jagged Edge

“What if you looked within and saw no sin?  This “fearful” question is one the ego never asks.”

-ACIM (T-21.IV.3)

About four months ago I dropped my phone.  I was careless and didn’t pay attention when I set it down.  It thudded to the floor and my stomach lurched an uncomfortable lurch and I was afraid.  I was afraid my mistake was going to be costly.

I picked it up gingerly and assessed the damage.  Clean cut through the middle was a single slice of cracked destruction.  I was heartsick.  I chided myself over and over regarding my carelessness.  Thoughts of having to replace it, the inconvenience of time and the cost made me feel worse.

I tested it out to see if it worked and amazingly, it did.  I didn’t dare remove the screen protector sheet covering the cracked screen.  I was certain this was helping to hold the screen in place and preventing it from breaking more. I figured as long as it worked, I would leave it as it was.

Eventually, the time came to replace my phone.  Before leaving for the store the screen protector needed to be removed.

I was scared.  I didn’t like being confronted with my error so acutely.

As the protector was slowly peeled away underneath was smooth, perfect wholeness.

My phone had been unscathed this whole time!

I couldn’t believe it.  I had agonized for months about its brokenness and it was in one complete smooth piece.

A few weeks later I made a connection.  My heart is exactly like this phone.  It is whole and smooth and complete kept apart from me by fear.

I’m too scared to peel away the fortress my tiny self has built up around it.  I am afraid of the jagged edges I think I see.  These edges are full of stories of fear and guilt and doubt.

I’m starting to see through these painful illusions.  The fortress isn’t protecting anything.  It isn’t holding my heart together.  I must look within myself and peel away the fortress of fear one layer, one moment, one jagged edge at a time.

Will I find more destruction or simply uncover the wholeness of my heart that never left me?


I Trust The God in You

Years ago there was a boy at my school.  He was different.  He didn’t have friends and he was lonely and sad.  I was only five at the time but I could feel his sadness.  I wore it like a cloak and my small shoulders collapsed under its weight.  I couldn’t tell the difference between his sadness and mine.  Our hearts felt the same to me.

“To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand.  That is the ego’s interpretation of empathy, and is always used to form a special relationship in which suffering is shared.”  (T-16.I.1-2)

-A Course in Miracles 

When you feel the pain of others, it is only a distraction from Who-You-Really-Are.  As if your own pain and suffering weren’t distraction enough, you now have this mistaken belief that you must save others from their pain.  This is wholly impossible.

If you try to ‘save’ somebody you are usurping the power of God.  As a tiny self, you can’t know what is needed to show up in the external world to move others towards salvation.  Your only role is to GET OUT OF THEIR WAY.

For the longest time I believed my extreme sense of intuitive empathy was somehow my ‘gift’.  I erroneously believed that if I sensed another’s despair it was MY responsibility to fix it.

Exactly who did I think I was?  Why did I believe that I knew what was in the best interest of someone else?  Over time this belief has worn me down.  It is a tremendous responsibility to believe that others are yours to save.

I can only save myself.

Others belong to God.

I trust in God so completely that I see clearly that you can save yourself.

You are that amazing.

You already have everything you need inside you.

I can walk with you, but I can never carry you again.

I can let you go because you don’t walk alone.

You have God.

I’m no expert but that seems like a better deal than any guidance my tiny little self could ever give you.