Archive | December 2018

Going or Staying

As you connect to your True Nature, you will find life does not fit you the same.  Changes often start on a subconscious level.  Subtle layers are added to and subtracted from your everyday world.  Then, after enough of these layers push and pull against your normal experience, the tides shift and sweep away what no longer serves you.

This means you may have to let some people in your life go.

Not everyone, but some.

Some may be angry with you for changing.  They may try to use guilt to keep you where they are.

You are not better for needing to go.  They are not worse for having to stay.

Both different points on the path of awakening.

I used to mistakenly attribute others leaving my life to deep, unchangeable personal flaws.  My first error was believing that my wholeness was contingent on others’ acceptance of me.  My second was not knowing that I was projecting my own non-acceptance of myself onto others.  What I saw in them was what I was too afraid to admit.  

I did not accept myself.

Then, this too, started to change and shift.

Now, I see that as a personal self, acceptance in a traditional sense is unobtainable.  Personal selves are messy.  We will never be free of mistakes.  

What remains True for Me, what holds me together at the seams is within me.  

There is such Love within, personal selves and stories dissipate in this awareness.  It makes being human bearable.  

It is steady and sure. 

If people come or if people go, this Love does not change. 

It will not leave.

This eternal surety is yours for the taking.

Standing in the Ordinary

Even though I experience Truth easily and often, I still struggle to grasp that I am awakening.  There are not a lot of ‘regular’ people talking about their Knowing of Truth.

Yet, here I am.  Standing on the cusp of enlightenment with barely a roadmap to lead the way.

I am making it up as I go.

There is a great vacillation that occurs on this path.  This is also rarely identified or discussed.  Either you are awake or you are not.

But, what if I am awake some days and not the others?

This leads to pain and confusion.  Why are there days of complete peace and days of complete suffering?

It is a process.

It is okay to get it ‘wrong’ some days and not have all the answers.

Be thankful for the ‘regular’ parts of your ‘regular’ life.  They are the glue that is holding your sense of self together until it is safe to shed your identity completely.

“In today’s society, most of us having these realizations are not living in monasteries; we are not in a particularly supportive environment.  In fact, in our society it is possible to have an amazing realization on Saturday and be back in the office Monday morning.”

-Adyashanti

‘The End of Your World’

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Dismantled Illusion

I often wondered why the spiritual path was so painful for me.  Starting out, I thought it would relieve suffering, but initially, and for a years’ long stretch of time, it made my suffering worse.

Why was that?

When I first stumbled into Oneness, I felt the Peace that lived there.  It enveloped my soul and my inner turmoil diminished to a great degree.  I thought I could live from this experience permanently.

It did not work that way.

Instead, I was dropped back into my separate experience.  It was more painful than ever because I had experienced Truth.  I had pulled back the veil of illusion and I could not take away this Knowing.

Trying to live as a separate, small self seemed wrong somehow.

“In fact, it is much more painful to act in a way that we know is not true once we’ve seen that it is not true.”

-Adyashanti 

‘The End of Your World’

Now that I am farther on the path, it is still painful attempting to live as separate, but I do not mind it as much as I did before.  Now, I allow the small self to have her experiences, her judgments and her fears.  Beyond this allowing is Truth always humming in the background.

I am less concerned how far this small self will go on her path of awakening.  Therefore, I am kinder to her and this is an easier way to exist as a separate self.

Truth is whole, it encompasses all.  It leaves no stone unturned or dark corner unlit.

I have done my part, Truth will undo the rest.

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