Through a lifetime, the person I believed I was walked through the world alone. There was something about her that did not belong. It was as if a wall of thick ice surrounded her.
This chill kept others away.
She became a great pretender. She had many stretches where she used her intuitive empathy to emulate those around her. She could suspend herself in this false belonging, but only for short bursts.
When these illusions crumbled, she was once again left with that cold block of soul she lugged around. She carried it to many corners of the world hoping belonging would find her there.
After years of listless wandering, the cold began to overtake her. No matter what she did to warm herself, her heart remained frozen until one day it shattered completely.
She stood in the middle of the craggy shards of who-she-used-to-be and believed she was lost forever.
Years went by and she remained lost.
Without her knowledge, a drastic change had occurred. While she still always felt cold and continued to repel others, it did not matter as much to her.
Along the way, because life had broken her so much, she had given up the pretending. This meant more illusions of belonging had to fall away from her life, but what remained was solid and true.
As she let go of wanting to be loved by many, she also began to let go of the solid and true few that loved her as she was.
To her relief, they stayed close.
Every day she celebrates the love that shows up to find her.
Every day she works to release her expectations of what that love should look like. Not surprisingly, she always has enough.
She always had enough, but she could not see it. Not while she focused on belonging where she did not.
Where she stands now, she is everything all at once.
She is fire and ice. She is light and dark.
She is the sky.
She is hope.
She is no one.
She is all of us.
She is You.