Archive | April 2018

Paradox

The Way that can be spoken of is not the true way.

-Lao Tzu

I used to believe if I studied hard enough and tried my very best, I would finally understand why this self feels like a shadow of True Being.

Within this struggle words would clash with other words, and thoughts would loop around endlessly in bewilderment.  The harder I tried to master understanding, the further it was from my grasp.

I have found that answers come to me when I let go of them.

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If there is struggle, then answers will not reveal themselves.

Learn to be comfortable in the not knowing.

You are growing.  You are changing.

Trust in that.

If your life does not fit what you feel on the inside, be patient.

As we stretch towards enlightenment, we are bound to feel disoriented.  We are learning Oneness when all we have ever known is the individual experience of being separate.

I know we are One, but the fact that I am articulating this as an individual being defeats this knowing.

Therein, lies the ultimate paradox of existence.

Harmony

I have a song in my heart and I am afraid to sing it.

Within the parameters of my ordinary life, extraordinary events have occurred.

I have been lost.  I have been saved.  I have been everything in between.

The first time my heart broke I was certain love was lost to me forever.

But love always found me.  I never turned it away.

Through the gains and the loss that love showed me, I grew as a human. I learned that a broken heart mends stronger, wiser and no worse for the wear.

The stories I collected as I traveled through life showed me exquisite joy and excruciating pain.

I was so busy living my life, sometimes I forgot to share it.

Until one day I was a brave, wild storyteller standing on the cliffs of wisdom shouting my life at the top of my lungs.

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A few kind souls heard me.  They answered and we collapsed in a heap of shared experience.  When one of us was weak, the rest would carry them to safety.

These people showed me The Way.

I felt so free my heart kept telling its stories until one day, they landed on some hearts hardened by what life had given them.  Worse yet, some hearts chose to completely ignore my stories.  Important hearts.  Ones that mattered.  A part of me froze.  The storytelling part.

As I watched my stories slip away like balloons set free in the sky, a darkness settled over me.  I was faced with a choice.  Either I continue my storytelling, or I stay quiet in an abyss of disconnect.

I must admit, it felt safer to envelop myself in that darkened abyss, but I did not want to die there.

I wanted to live and give.  I wanted to laugh and cry.

I wanted to tell my story.

So, I did.

I will tell my story as long as there is life in this body and fire in my being.  As the starry dots of my soul configure into a beautiful hymn of the heart, I pray you find yourself there, too.

Harmony is so sweet.

 

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Audience of One

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As a personal self, I am very invested in the success of my words as they show up in the world.  This over-investment in outcomes weighs so heavily on me sometimes my pen becomes too heavy to lift to the paper.  This is when my fear wins and the words stay cloaked inside me and they do no good for anyone.

First things first, I have to honor my personal self’s investment in her writing success.  She was taught over and over in endless ways that what she does is more valuable than who she is.

I have to forgive her for that and then push her forward.  She has to push through rejection, countless unpaid projects and often deafening silence that greets her soul-baring essays.

There is a lot of noise in resistance.

Once I have pushed her through all of that we come to a place of purity where the words flow and heal the writer.

I do not know if she will ever let go of succeeding, but I never want that to impede the true purpose of her writing….

to heal herself.

If we only meet ourselves in the world, then any healing she finds in herself will lead all of us together further down the path of our Great Awakening.

The Blue Sky

The small girl shaded her eyes with her hand as she looked up at the expanse of the sky overhead.  It never ceased to amaze her.

This sky was so beautiful.

It was so blue.

Blue was her favorite color.

In the sky her soul could soar.  It could be as big as it needed to be.  She was without limits.

Finally, something matched how she felt on the inside.  It was a relief to find something in the world that mirrored a little of how she felt.  Nothing else did.

Eventually, as a self in the world tends to do, she learned about science and realized the sky was every color except blue.

from How Do We See Color? pantone.com:

Newton observed that color is not inherent in objects. Rather, the surface of an object reflects some colors and absorbs all the others. We perceive only the reflected colors.

Thus, red is not “in” an apple. The surface of the apple is reflecting the wavelengths we see as red and absorbing all the rest.

 

How could the sky not be blue?

It was as if everything she believed was no longer real.

Because it wasn’t.

As she grew into womanhood, the same thing happened to her when she began to understand the world around her was everything she thought it was not.

She thought it was real.

It is not.

Things that are real are immovable, unchanging and eternal.

Nothing in the world falls into these categories.

Everything we see and experience shifts and changes.

Who were you ten years ago?

Where did that person go?

Since we no longer are those people, does that mean they never existed?

Maybe what is real can only be found in the present moment.

Blink and that is over too.

Until we know for ourselves what is real and what is not, let us not forget to gaze upon the things that we love and pray they lead us home.

 

 

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This Mind’s Truth

Do you ever wonder why sitting in stillness is so hard?

This is where Truth lives.

Not the temporary kind you apply to life in an attempt to connect its fragmented logic, but rather, this is the Truth that transcends life.

I have accepted this Truth as a part of my experience.  It was sheer terror opening my mind to it because within its parameters, I ceased to exist.  Yet in the absence of my existence, I somehow observed the Truth.  It cannot be articulated.  It can only be experienced.

While I am more accepting that this mind opened a doorway to Truth, as a personal self, it is a very challenging awareness to play out on the stage of humanity.

I am somewhere in the middle.  I do not fully identify as a personal self anymore, however, it is the only identity in which I can relate.

It may be why strangers share their souls with me.  On some level, they know that I understand there is more to us than what meets the eye.

Once I started to accept that Divinity lived in my awareness, I began to panic.  If I knew the Truth, I had to share the Truth.

Slowly, over time, I have come to know that what I do will not impact the outcome of Truth.

Truth will come to each of us in its own way, in its own time.

I do not have to change anyone’s personal perspective, not even my own.

spiritual Writes March 25