Archive | February 2018

Let Me Explain

let me explain SW

 

It feels important to express my intention isn’t to convince anyone who reads this to believe in something beyond themselves.  My hope is by sharing my experiences, if someone happens to believe there is more to life than life, then maybe we can journey forth together.

If I had it my way, I’d keep the body a central figure in my spiritual quest.  It is all I have known.  It is the only framework I have been taught.  I get it.  I am a body.  You are a body.  It makes sense.

Until it doesn’t.

It may happen to you, or it won’t.

I am not here to judge your experiences or your path.

For me it happened.

Undeniable, repeated experiences inexplicable in a personal context.

Am I crazy?

Maybe.

Or, maybe I’m discovering what is most true about our(selves).

We are One.

We happen to be experiencing a split-off version of our Oneness.

It’s hard imagining we are doing this thing called life alone.

I’m here to offer another way, to ponder something different, to explore the context of the self in a beyond state.

It is incapable of being captured by words.

I don’t know exactly what I am doing or where I’m going.

If you have the answers that work well for your life and your self, I embrace it all with love.

I know you are exactly where you need to be.

Even when we feel lost.

 

The Orchids of the World

“Most people are dandelions; they’ll come out okay under almost any circumstances.  Others are orchids; they’re not just more sensitive to negative outcomes but more sensitive to everything.  They won’t flourish in the dirt by the side of the road like a dandelion would.  But when they’re well tended in a nice greenhouse, their beauty will put the dandelions to shame”

-Eric Barker, ‘Barking up the Wrong Tree:  The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know about Success is (Mostly) Wrong

Beauty is subjective.

The point here is not to label ourselves more beautiful or less beautiful.  The point is for the orchids of the world, myself included, to recognize we have any beauty at all.

What do humans do but label and categorize ourselves until we whittle our best qualities down to piles of useless dust.

I have lived life frightened of my own beauty.  I’m still scared I will lose all I have longed for and love, but I can no longer deny the spirit self that resides within me waiting to be expressed.

As an orchid, I have realized the intense nurturing I seek may not be available to me in the form of other people.  The nurturing I seek is within me.  To access it, I have to be so honest that my heart breaks again and again until all that remains is love.

This love is beyond what is found in the world.

A happy by-product of this love, once recognized, it makes the world around you appear more loving and accepting of who-you-really-are.

How is this possible if you haven’t changed at all?

It’s simple really.

You don’t need to change, you only have to change your mind.

Choose love.

Don’t mess with perfection.

I see it in you.

Have the courage to embrace it.

See how your world changes.

Illumination

If you happen to think there is something within you unexpressed whether it’s art, thought, deed or dance, it’s time to let it out.  Be unafraid of the world’s reception of it.

Where does the fear originate?

Not fitting in?

Rejection?

Being alone?

Let me ask you this, by suppressing this within magic, does this support you in feeling alive, connected and whole?  Or do you feel though you are surrounded by many…. few, maybe none, appreciate the truest version of you?

Take some risks.

The anticipation of failure is far worse than anything that may or may not happen as a result.

Even if you fail to a proportion not yet imagined, this would fade with time.

As soon as you read these words and thoughts they are gone from the page.

Maybe the goal isn’t ‘success’ or acceptance.

Maybe the goal should be something more universal.

Maybe the goal should be love.

If we create and express from our true compass of internal light, however it lands in the world is perfect.

Whenever I write I let love lead me.

You can choose to receive it or let it go.

Both responses equal in that they both are impermanent.

If a flutter of love floats near you as a result of my wording or imagery…truth has been served, my purpose fulfilled.  Even if you aren’t ready to receive it yet, the doorway to love may have moved a millimeter towards truth.  All I can do is my work, and if it happens to help you do yours, that’s a natural by-product of the work itself.  It isn’t me, it isn’t you, it’s ALL of us.

I can rest my pen and my heart knowing I tried.

What is trying but another form of illumination?

Illumination

The Stages of the Path

A spiritual path is not chosen.  It is given to everyone.  Every single one of us has the chance to journey inward to our highest self, or remain trapped in the machinations of the seemingly unfixable external world.  Honestly, I’m not comfortable with either, but the inward path, while currently quite painful, makes more sense to me than anything that unfolds in the world.

The first stage is recognizing that we are more than our bodies.  That part is easy.  Once our self-identified egos realize that we are open to the Truth beyond our personal selves, this is where it becomes treacherous.  Most of us abandon the path at the first sign of trouble.  That is okay.  Whatever you do or don’t do aligns perfectly with however the eventual awakening of the planet happens.  Do not worry one bit if going inward hurts too much because believe me, it does.  Maybe some day you will be ready, maybe some day you won’t, you are perfect right where you are at.  As much as I’ve tried to avoid going beyond the self, it hurts me more not to.  So, I keep going, one painful step at a time.  On to the next stage…

This is where you understand that there are two thought systems in your mind.  One that is full of judgment, blame, guilt, fear, comparison, lack…these all are personal self-ways to stay mired in the story of life.  The other thought system is LOVE.  This isn’t love in the traditional sense (as related to a personal self or selves).  This love doesn’t transform the outer world, this is the love that transcends it.  Very different.  This is the love that accepts the world exactly as it is because it is beyond the world.  This probably doesn’t make a lot a sense, that’s the trap built into it.  It seems to make no sense to keep the personal self denying the Truth. Even slightly entertaining the thought of something beyond the self might make you angry, upset or spark a myriad of malaise and maladies.  If it seems like too much trouble, then it is.  Let it go and if being a self in the world works for you, then keep going as you are.  Nothing to change, nothing to do, all is well.  However, if something inside you is recognizing even a tiny speck of the truth beyond the veil of the world, then you might make it your life’s work to consciously discern from the two thought systems in your mind.  If you do this, it is the hardest work you will ever do.  Your personal self will fight you tooth and nail.  It will be subtle, sneaky, overt, mean, seductive, and whatever else it can throw at you to keep you engaged in its story.  The personal self knows if you are outwardly focused on making the story of your life different, better, shinier… then you don’t have to do the work of letting it all go.

The next stage is the letting go part.  I’m not there yet so all I can write about is what I imagine this to look like.  This is where the thought system of love wins all the time.  There is no need or desire to change the self, the world or anyone or anything all.  This is where we are liberated from thinking we need to change anything about ourselves.  There is nothing wrong with us.  The only idea that is wrong is that we believe something that isn’t true.  We are more than our bodies.  Believing we aren’t is the source of all our pain, separation and angst.  However, I will say this again, if you are at peace with the story of your life and the world as is, it is okay to stick with it.  On the other hand, if something feels off or like you will never quite belong here, maybe consider the inward path.

I used to think that it was all up to me.  It’s not.  It is inevitable.  We all awaken in our own time and at our own pace.  This I know for sure.

“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”

-Steven Pressfield, The War of Art