As I was lying on my yoga mat sprawled in the darkness surrounded by strangers, I started to float away. Not my body of course, but the something else that is me, but isn’t me. This wasn’t the first time this had happened,
Where do I go exactly?
Wherever it is there aren’t concepts or words. There is great fear and loss associated with these experiences. However, if I open my mind and push it to its limit of comprehension, I may be more real when I’m gone then when I am on that yoga mat.
This random detaching from myself is why I no longer belong. I have never belonged. Chances are, if you are one of the two people reading this, you have experienced your own non-belonging moments.
There is a fissure in my soul that I keep trying to mend with answers. In some ways, I have found my answers, but I don’t like them. If I open myself up to the possibility that I am more than a body (and let’s be honest, if I keep floating away from it, I may need to seriously entertain the thought), I find a little freedom there.
The upside is, well, I haven’t found that yet. The more I open myself to something beyond myself, the more I leave behind. Whatever illusions I had of ‘finally finding my tribe’ as I embarked on my path are obliterated. The deeper I go within, the farther I am from the world.
I am willing to find the truth of me. I am willing to let go of the world to do so.
I am willing. I am willing. I am willing.
There is no guarantee that I will get the answers I crave. Instead, I will get the answers I am ready to receive and find solace in the only place I have for shelter.
So, I continue to go within, float away and pray.