Archive | September 2016

God’s Heartbeat

If I allow my thoughts to fall away, I can hear the heartbeat of God.

As God’s heartbeat speaks to me all the time, I mostly try to ignore it so I can fit into the world.  This takes a lot of work this ignoring of God’s heartbeat.  If I drop my fear and judgment either by choice or on accident, I connect to the Love within the heartbeat.  I’m not very good at staying there.  It’s a much different experience than being in the world.  While it is timeless, loving and peaceful, there isn’t anything there that a tiny self can understand.  Eventually, my tiny self gets uncomfortable in this vacuum of peace and returns to the world.  Each time I leave Love and return to the world, the harder it is to be in the world.  This is because now I know the world is no longer true.  Only Love is true.

The world is in constant change.  Nothing ever remains static.  There are ups and downs and twists and turns.  Something that changes constantly is not true.

God’s heartbeat is constant, eternal and never changes.  It is always true.

The choice is up to me, do I keep denying God’s heartbeat and lose myself in the turbulent, unpredictable story of the tiny self, or do choose the comforting constancy of Love?

Right now, choosing Love still seems too hard.  Why choose Love if I’m the only one who is there within the vacuum not able to understand it?  My tiny self is still afraid of its power.

For now, I go back and forth between these experiences.

I am Love, then I am not.

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Into the Well

My tiny self creeps to the edge of the well.  She looks down.  There isn’t a glimmer of light anywhere.  She sees only nothingness.

My True Self is there too.  She unfortunately fell headfirst into the well.  She managed to somehow maneuver herself to the side of the well.  She is there in the darkness clinging to the crevices of the slippery cool stones.  She is enveloped by the vacuum of night.  She is able to see up and out.  From her vantage point she sees her tiny self peering down at her, but she knows her tiny self can’t see her.  My True Self is completely alone.  She is in a panic.  She tries to shout, she tries to pray.  She considers trying to climb back up to her tiny self but she isn’t very strong and her tiny self is so far away.   It doesn’t take long for her to know she is stuck in the darkness.

My True Self then has a flash of vision.  In the vision she lets go.

That’s crazy.

That’s insane.

Who is stupid enough to let go and fall into the darkness?

The thought of letting go sends shooting icicles of fear from her limbs straight into her soul.

She will never let go.

After many years, my True Self tires.

She isn’t as committed to trying to reunite with her tiny self.

Maybe there’s another way.

Maybe it’s time to let go.

My True Self has another vision.  In it she lets go again.  She falls for a long, long time.

What is the fate that awaits her?

Turns out, it’s Total Safety.

There are pillows and beauty and Love.

Love awaits her if she will only be brave enough to let go.

 

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