“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.”

-Lao Tzu

There comes a point in one’s journey where you realize that trying to win over someone else’s love and approval is impossible.  Circumstances, feelings, thoughts and dynamics swirl about in constant chaos never permanently landing. Of course you will catch glimpses of seeming external love and approval, but they are fleeting.  You can feel love around you sometimes, but you can never really grasp it.

The world hurts when you expect the people in it to love you.  It hurts a lot.  You can try to change, or you can try to manipulate others to change to fulfill your approval quota, but this is inauthentically hollow.  Your only solution is to let go of your need for approval entirely.

How can you do this?

The answer is simple and hard.

Love yourself.

This is a platitude that seems impossible.

It is impossible.

You cannot fully love your tiny self.  You can have moments of love for the personal self and its story.  You can have times where you think you are ‘getting life right’, but inevitably, these float away as quickly as they arrive.  Soon you make a horrible mistake, you lose your temper, you hate how you look, you judge yourself and others so harshly that if you spoke the words out loud you would be shamed for eternity.

The tiny self, like the external world, will never get anything perfectly right making sustainable self-approval an impossibility.

Your only option is to connect to your Whole Self.  In this giant, rock-solid landscape there are mountains of permanent approval.

You already have all the approval you need.  If you came to know this, imagine how your life would be transformed.  You would make decisions based in authenticity, not based on fear of others’ reactions.

You would be Whole.

You would be Self-Full.



4 thoughts on “Self-Full

  1. I don’t think I understand; what’s the definition of love that you’re working with here? Is it the common one, whatever that may be? If it is, further support for your notion of approval is that you cannot win love because love is of passion and the concept of earning it by winning is of reason – two very distinct and different bases. Hume once wrote: “Reason is and ought only to be the slave of the passions.”

    Liked by 1 person

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