“What if you looked within and saw no sin? This “fearful” question is one the ego never asks.”
About four months ago I dropped my phone. I was careless and didn’t pay attention when I set it down. It thudded to the floor and my stomach lurched an uncomfortable lurch and I was afraid. I was afraid my mistake was going to be costly.
I picked it up gingerly and assessed the damage. Clean cut through the middle was a single slice of cracked destruction. I was heartsick. I chided myself over and over regarding my carelessness. Thoughts of having to replace it, the inconvenience of time and the cost made me feel worse.
I tested it out to see if it worked and amazingly, it did. I didn’t dare remove the screen protector sheet covering the cracked screen. I was certain this was helping to hold the screen in place and preventing it from breaking more. I figured as long as it worked, I would leave it as it was.
Eventually, the time came to replace my phone. Before leaving for the store the screen protector needed to be removed.
I was scared. I didn’t like being confronted with my error so acutely.
As the protector was slowly peeled away underneath was smooth, perfect wholeness.
My phone had been unscathed this whole time!
I couldn’t believe it. I had agonized for months about its brokenness and it was in one complete smooth piece.
A few weeks later I made a connection. My heart is exactly like this phone. It is whole and smooth and complete kept apart from me by fear.
I’m too scared to peel away the fortress my tiny self has built up around it. I am afraid of the jagged edges I think I see. These edges are full of stories of fear and guilt and doubt.
I’m starting to see through these painful illusions. The fortress isn’t protecting anything. It isn’t holding my heart together. I must look within myself and peel away the fortress of fear one layer, one moment, one jagged edge at a time.
Will I find more destruction or simply uncover the wholeness of my heart that never left me?