Dismantled Illusion

I often wondered why the spiritual path was so painful for me.  Starting out, I thought it would relieve suffering, but initially, and for a years’ long stretch of time, it made my suffering worse.

Why was that?

When I first stumbled into Oneness, I felt the Peace that lived there.  It enveloped my soul and my inner turmoil diminished to a great degree.  I thought I could live from this experience permanently.

It did not work that way.

Instead, I was dropped back into my separate experience.  It was more painful than ever because I had experienced Truth.  I had pulled back the veil of illusion and I could not take away this Knowing.

Trying to live as a separate, small self seemed wrong somehow.

“In fact, it is much more painful to act in a way that we know is not true once we’ve seen that it is not true.”

-Adyashanti 

‘The End of Your World’

Now that I am farther on the path, it is still painful attempting to live as separate, but I do not mind it as much as I did before.  Now, I allow the small self to have her experiences, her judgments and her fears.  Beyond this allowing is Truth always humming in the background.

I am less concerned how far this small self will go on her path of awakening.  Therefore, I am kinder to her and this is an easier way to exist as a separate self.

Truth is whole, it encompasses all.  It leaves no stone unturned or dark corner unlit.

I have done my part, Truth will undo the rest.

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Awakening in Stages

As humans, we arrive in our experience believing we are separate from our Source and from each other.  Some remember in an instant and are fully immersed in a sustained Truth that is unshakeable.  For the remainder of us on the path of awakening, remembering our True State comes to us in stages.

The first stage is an undoing of the illusory constructs of our personal identity.  This is where an internal shift begins and will not be stopped until our egos are completely undone.  Once you step beyond the small self, you can never fully return to it.

Then, in the second stage, you are caught in the uncertainty of not knowing what is real and what is not.  This can last for weeks, years, decades or sometimes a lifetime.  Give yourself compassion if this is where you are.  This is the most painful part of Remembering.  I have lived it.  It almost broke me apart into a million pieces.  Looking back I understand breaking down to near extinction was the point.  My identity had to be stripped away to nothing so I could experience Truth.

I am now entering the third phase of Remembering.  I am still a small self but I am no longer afraid of Truth.  Each day I am more and more willing to turn inward to the astounding Beauty within me.  I have less fear.  I have more peace.  The small self is healing in ways big and small.

When I am immersed in this Peace, I know Love like the back of my hand.  It holds me, it heals me, it sets me free.

I have only begun the real work of Awakening.  My purpose is to keep Remembering as much as I am able and share this Knowing with anyone who is ready to listen.

When it is time for you to listen, you will Know.

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The Stream

The girl is thirsty.  She follows everyone to the well.  She watches as each person sends their bucket deep into the darkness.  They retrieve the water they need.

It is never quite enough.

When the girl attempts to gather water for her seeming insatiable thirst, her bucket often comes up empty.

She looks to the others for guidance, for comfort, for some way of knowing that her bucket will be filled beyond measure.

They cannot answer her.  They are too busy trying to keep their own buckets filled.

They are doing their best.

The girl, in her heart, knows there is more to be found.  More water, more love, more safety.

Just more.

Of everything.  Where truth shines and burdens are lifted.

Where enough water flows for everyone.

She leaves the well behind and all the people.  She sets out on her own path.  She sees a hill calling out to be climbed.

She answers with determined steps.

She picks up speed and her effort grows.

Until finally, she reaches the peak.  Her momentum tumbles her down the other side.

She lands and the soft earth catches her.

Then, she sees it.

A beautiful, bubbling stream of clear fresh water.  There is more than enough here for her.  There is enough for everyone.

She rushes back to share this good fortune, but no one believes her.  They like the well water.  They trust it.

No one likes change.

The girl leaves them to their work.  She knows they will find the stream when they are ready.

She makes her way back to the water’s edge.  Love washes over her and fear slips away.

She is safe.

The stream is Everything.

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The Wave of Realization

 

As a self in this unpredictable world the suffering experienced by this mind was intense.  The combination of enduring great loss, experiencing constant uncertainty and never quite belonging, broke this mind through the illusory nature of life.

For many months and years, this mind has been in a vice-grip of contradiction.  Stuck in-between, believing in the world and at other times peacefully transcending it.

This mind lives two separate experiences.

I am gradually starting to prefer my Freedom-state.  You might imagine this is the easy choice.  For some it is.  It is sudden, whole and permanent.  This mind’s process is slower, but seems to be picking up momentum.

If you have started on the path and it hurts, I understand.  We may never reach full realization, but even the tiniest glow of Truth is worth it.

You may still suffer, as I do, but it begins to matter less because Beauty grows louder with each breath.  Until it becomes so loud it is all our souls can hear.

This Knowing will sustain us.

Quote On Enlightenment A Bundle Of Joy And Peace 21 Inspiring Quotations From Thich Nhat

 

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Where Your Words Meet Your Mind

In the middle of the night, the quiet that settles over us is meant to inspire us.  It is meant to Love us back to Truth.

The body awakens and the mind races unsure why sleep escapes us.  Logic seems to work in our favor.  It appears to be the route we must travel for peace.  It tries to work through our problems and understand the source of our wakefulness.

But it does not help.

Logic cannot comfort in the dark.  It can only dance us away from what is Whole and True within us.

Before you believe everything you think, breathe into where your words meet your mind.

At this crux, if only a sliver of light escapes its way Home, follow it with everything you are.

There, beyond, is the garden full of sparkling blooms waiting for you to gather them up in your empty arms.

All you need is in this garden.

It will bloom until dawn comes.

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All of Us

Today is the day I understood that everything was my gift.  All experiences; good, bad, indifferent, were planted in my path so that I may stumble my way to Freedom.

Each sad day, every difficult choice and all the emotions that pierced my heart were reaching out to my soul, beckoning me Home.

While I see the gifts of the All, I go back and forth between worlds.  Still a part of what I knew while growing my awareness of my Freedom State.

Today, I say thank you to every One that seemed to break my heart.

Their pain was a mirror of mine so I could see what I was too afraid to look at.

What a beautiful gift you are to me.  What a beautiful gift you are to the world.

May all beings be free from sorrow.  May all beings find their way Home.  May All of Us know our Path is draped in Love.

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As-You-Are

Sometimes, we believe painful truths about ourselves.  It is not the truth that hurts us.  It is our beliefs about these truths which cause us distress.

We are equal parts true and not true.  Nothing about us is wrong, bad, good or sad.

We simply are.

Sometimes we are everything.  Sometimes we are nothing.

Sometimes we are both of these at the same time.

Beyond our labels is where real Truth lives.  This Truth does not hurt.  It encompasses all and denies no one.  It loves without measure. It is at peace with who-you-are exactly as-you-are.

Everything about you is Beauty.

Every last bit of you is Perfect.

The pain of believing we are separate is temporary.  If we stop fighting what is, we start to dismantle this pain one hurtful belief at a time.

This is where True Connection finds us.  This is where we honor all parts of who-we-are.  This is where Love blankets the wounded and washes away sorrow.

Let Love find you today.  And the next, and the one after that.

This Love is not earned.  It is simply uncovered.

Always there.

Loving You as-you-are.

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