A World of Light

At the beginning of 2017, I started a daily yoga practice.  Often, during my time on the mat, various teachers and instructors have said, “Take what serves you and leave the rest.”  This is a guiding principle for all of life and recently, I have realized it is especially applicable to relationships.

We make relationships harder than they need to be.  If we are conscious, we can interact with another without making them responsible for how we feel.  We can allow them the space to be a full expression of who they are.  We can learn to judge less and observe more.

It’s never the person hurting us, it is our story about them that hurts us.

We must learn to ‘take what serves us’ in a relationship and let go of everything else.  If the relationship does not serve, then we have to let go of it completely.

Let them go with love.

 

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The Buddha Heart

Having experienced the beyond-ness of all-that-is (which is something you can’t know until you do), I spend much effort trying to make sense of it.  My goal used to be enlightenment, but now it simply is to end my internal struggle.

“‘Enlightenment’ is just a spiritual concept. It’s just one more thing to seek in a future that never comes.”

-from A Mind at Home with Itself by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell (and quotes below)

I am relieved that there is no goal to attain.  Any goal we imagine for ourselves is simply a way to stay married to the dream of our seeming existence.  The present moment is gone as soon as we notice it.  Goals are equally elusive…gone as soon as they appear to be realized.

“If you’re trying to monitor your progress on your spiritual path—if you think you have any idea how far along you are—you might want to save yourself the trouble.  There’s no attainment, because you already are what you want to become.”

As I am adjusting my mindset to the letting go of not only enlightenment, but all the concepts my mind appears to create, the conflict within me remains fierce.  However, suffering has a purpose.

“Suffering is what creates buddhas.”

Therefore I remain steadfast on my journey towards freedom knowing I have no goal, timeline or ‘right’ thoughts to think.  I only have to let the dream unfold.  If the dream is painful I give thanks.  If the dream is joyful I give thanks.  I give thanks to all and to everything until I don’t even do that.

What remains after that is truth.

 

The Floating Heart

The tiny girl sat on the step.

A wisp of wind blew her golden strands across her face,

Matted to her tears, she moved them aside with her hand.

She watched herself doing this but not from where she sat,

The tiny girl was somewhere else.

 

Her heart floated away when it became too heavy for her small body to carry.

This is how she coped when life broke her.

She had learned no one outside her had any answers.

Often, other people were more broken than she was,

The difference is she knew she was and she owned it.

She didn’t deflect her suffering onto others,

She held it in her small body until it was too much, and then,… she was gone.

 

She rested in Love while everything crumbled.

 

Her prayers were only for the realization that none of us are separate.

We are all branches expressing the deepest roots of Love.

 

When the tiny girl returned to her body, the suffering had not subsided, at least not today, maybe not tomorrow and maybe it never would.

 

This seemed to matter to her but somewhere beyond herself she knew that it didn’t.

Suffering seems to define a body’s experience but instead, it strengthens the soul.

 

When our suffering is so deep, so true, so beyond ourselves, this is when we begin our

journey Home.

The tiny girl’s ancient journey had started before she began.

She couldn’t alter the path even if she had wanted to.

It made her feel so alone until she understood it was teaching her True Connection.

 

But for now, all she had was the step she sat upon, the tears that would not cease and an unbearably heavy heart…

 

And in that instant, she floated away once more…

 

The Path of the Dragonfly

As you walk through the world do you ever notice signs?  While I consider myself to be spiritual, sometimes I’d prefer to take a walk and not be on the lookout for anything.  I’d rather be, than meticulously survey my surrounding for signs.  That’s how most of us are most of the time.

Lately, the universe seems to have a different plan for me.  I am being inundated with dragonflies.  They swarm me in parking lots, they swarm my car when I’m at a traffic light, they are constantly trapped in my screened-in patio.  I’ve seen illustrations of them everywhere, too.  I was in the post office today and there was a picture of a dragonfly!  I was shopping for clothes on-line (I don’t do stores), and a sweater I liked came in dragonfly blue.  I had a dragonfly trapped in my bedroom blinds that buzzed intermittently throughout the night.  I waited until daylight to see what it was, too afraid of what I would find during the night.  As I walked my dogs I came across a moving truck parked in a driveway in the middle of our path with a giant dragonfly on it.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  What is the universe trying to tell me?  What am I trying to tell myself? These are one in the same if you think about it.

The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self-realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.

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The changes unseen are the ones that matter.  I do not look different but I am different.

It’s time to follow the path of the dragonfly.

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Love is the Only Purpose You Need

I’ve read a lot of books and articles by various authors and spiritualists trying to figure out my purpose.  I’ve heard a lot of talk about what I need to ‘do’ in order to find my most authentic life.  If I fail to do this, I won’t ever reach my potential. That is not a comforting thought.

While I don’t have all the answers to true purpose, I have a different way to look at it.

True purpose means expressing love.

That’s it.

The hard part is being able to express love in all circumstances.

I am my truest self when I am able to connect to the Love Within. The more I do this, the more I’m able to carry the Love Within to the world without.

I’m not very good at it.

In fact, I am easily distracted.  I often bump up against my own story of how my life’s purpose should be something more. More meaningful, more impactful, more lucrative….

Sometimes, I get so mired down in the more, more, more, I forget that I am Love, Love, Love.

You don’t have to change your outward life at all to be purposeful. You only have to change your inner story by setting its frequency to Love. This way when life’s challenges appear, you will be drawn to find the silver linings that are always there a touch below our personal self’s perception.

Love can always be felt.  I am learning this.  It is a very slow process. One in which I have to turn my pain into opportunity.  I am learning to be a compassionate witness to all that arises within and around me. It is through this lens of compassion that a tiny sphere of peace appears. Even though nothing outwardly changes, this little peace is comforting in and of itself.  Some days, it’s all I have to get me through.

It’s enough.  It has always been enough.

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The In Between

I am a mystic.  Before you get too excited that I carry the answers of the universe within my soul, well, I’m not that kind of mystic.  I’m more the ordinary soccer-mom variety that feels clueless most of the time.

Here’s a definition (courtesy of dictionary.com) I found that most closely represents my experience of being a mystic:

a person who claims to attain, or believes in the possibility of attaining, insight into mysteries transcending ordinary human knowledge, as by direct communication with the divine or immediate intuition …

I never set out to be a mystic.  And if I did, I’d certainly want to be the kind that has their sh*t figured out.  Instead, I’m the kind that perceives weird stuff that no one else does and I have to pretend I don’t for fear of… well, just plain fear.

For example, I see white light emanating from people and/or objects fairly regularly.  Sometimes, solid objects become fluid and wavy when I look at them.  I can intuit people’s moods and feelings often before they can.  The kicker with this is it’s usually the stuff they are trying mightily to avoid so when I speak about it, I appear to be talking about something that is completely irrelevant.  I spend most of my time trying to say the things that people want to hear instead of what they maybe need to hear.  If someone is sick, hurting or physically uncomfortable, I feel it.  Sometimes my body mirrors their pain and sometimes I feel a general sense of unease instead.  If I’m able to name it out loud that sometimes helps.  But it’s weird in certain situations to say, “Your knee hurts, doesn’t it?”  especially when it’s not a topic currently being discussed, so again, back to trying to talk about what is acceptable and not what I’m sensing.

I’ve lived my whole life this way, denying what I know to be true most of the time.

It’s possible all this weird stuff isn’t what sets me apart, but actually may be the path that is leading me to oneness.

So very often we think the ‘weird stuff’ about us is why we remain unloved.  That’s not true.  It’s simply an invitation to really see what is true in front of us.

Am I different?

Maybe.

All I know is that I can’t keep denying what my experiences are and I’ll see where it leads me.

Farther away from here or closer to there?

It’s the in between that makes no sense.

 

Thank You for Making the World so Beautiful

I am having the hardest time writing lately.  There is something going on within me, way below the surface, that is cutting me off from my creative source.   It seems the harder I try to write or ‘get my work out there’, the more it falls flat.  It’s hard to be motivated to write if it feels like no one is really listening.

I am learning that my personal goals include being a writer that ‘matters’.  Life is showing me that personal goals often go unmet.  The chasm that is left behind is the foundation for spiritual goals.

What exactly are spiritual goals?

Letting go of personal ones.

That’s it.  That’s all.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Here is something I wrote with a personal goal of dramatically affecting the lives of many.  Truth is, probably only one or two dear friend will read this.  My husband will, too.  He’s good like that.

If my soul could speak, this is what it would say to you….

I hope you enjoy.

 

The Window to Our Souls:  Creating a Well-Loved Life

 

When we come into this world our hearts are clear. Our personal souls are like pristine windows that are so spotless, they almost are invisible. This is ideal. This is how all our love and light can safely escape into the world. The world thrives on our light. Thus, our purpose is fulfilled simply by expressing what we are…Love.

As we move through the world, something happens to our clear-soul-glass. It starts to crack when our love isn’t recognized by another. When another person is incapable of holding our light, we start to question everything. Is there something wrong with my soul? Why doesn’t this person see how much I love them? Does this mean I am no longer valuable? Am I already broken?

Even if we try to fight it, the cracks are formed. They wrench their way through our sensitive soul-glass. Sometimes, if we get very quiet, we can hear the straining creaks as they cut their way through our heart. To escape the pain of rejection we become so alone in our thoughts the glass has no choice…it shatters.

What is the secret to mending a shattered soul? First, you have to be brave enough to let go of your expectations of others. You can no longer rely on another person to make you whole. This is the scary part. The letting go. It feels like no one will catch you. That’s the idea. No one will. You have to catch yourself.

If you made it this far and let go of your expectations of others, you are ready for the second step. This is the part that is not scary. This is the part that you get to be whoever you want. You do so with reckless abandon because IT NO LONGER MATTERS WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!

YOU determine your worth. YOU determine your value. YOU create a life worthy of all the glorious beauty-love your soul has to offer.

So, what next? You might grab a broom and a dustpan. It makes sense to sweep up your soul parts and see what might begin to form. As you sweep, you might come across some forgotten pieces. Wait a minute! You love to draw? Well then, why don’t you? Remember, there’s no more fear here. You love something, you do it, no questions asked. And, how about that? You think bird watching is divine? Me, too! It’s crazy that so few seem to understand the holy nature of being wholly in nature. See? It’s awesome being you! You get it. You understand you are very close to rocking this life.

By now you may feel excited, uplifted and more than a little bit healed. You look at your amazing configuration of soul parts gathered in a transcendent pile. Since fear no longer lives here, you start grabbing pieces. You have no plan and that’s part of the divinity of it. You are going on faith. Your arms and hands are flying as you begin to lay the pieces down. You work like this a long time. You are so firmly steeped in the joy of the process, you don’t even notice when you are finished.

You step back. It takes a moment for you to acclimate to the giant wonder of what you are seeing. All your forgotten parts take up more space than you could have possibly imagined. Eventually, you have a good vantage point to finally see the whole of it.

Your jaw drops.

Yep, your soul is jaw-dropping.

You have made a filigreed wonder of the richest, deepest, truest stained glass window one could ever create. Your soul is so stunning it almost hurts to look at it. That’s what you’ve been hiding from yourself this whole time!

As your light reawakens and begins to once again spill forth unto the world, it is more sublime than ever. Here’s the best part, the love you give is even deeper, broader and wider now that you understand what it means to have risen up from the ashes. You were never actually broken, you were simply on your way to owning your brilliance.

I’m glad you made it back to yourself. I’m glad you put your soul back together. It makes it easier for me to do the work to make mine whole again, too. You truly are a trailblazer.

Thank you for making the world so beautiful.